A Walk in the Park--Larry Stylinson

Tofu and Twinkies

Louis was positive his knees were going to collapse, and he'd end up on the living room floor, or, if he made it that far, on the pavement leading to the garage. Harry was a liability. He was bound to end up getting Louis hurt, and without even laying a hand on him. His quiet voice, the smell of his freshly washed hair and flesh was making Louis gnash his teeth again.

The younger man's sex appeal was starting to coat Louis from head to toe, suffocating him, and not giving him a moment's peace. Louis began to wonder if he would survive it. No one should have to live like this . . . trying to appear normal—not like electrical currents weren't traveling all over your body, pretending your mouth wasn't bone dry and you weren't aching, yes, aching to touch this handsome, clever, honest, sweet, voice-like-an-oversexed-angel who was walking beside you.

He still didn't even know if Harry was gay. Harry hadn't offered the information, and Louis sure as hell wasn't going to ask him. So it looked like Louis was going to have to endure the torture of Harry's nearness, the scent of him, and his perfection, until Harry decided to come clean. And if he was straight? Louis would have to learn to live with that, he supposed. It wouldn't kill him.

Or would it?

"Man, I'm pumped about grocery shoppin'!" Harry announced as they climbed into the Rover. Louis was shaking his head in incredulity again.

"How can you be pumped about grocery shoppin'?" he asked. "It's me least favorite thing to do besides laundry," he added.

"No! It's fun! Think of the Mallo bars, the ice cream, the Ding Dongs, the Twinkies!"

Louis' eyes brightened just a little bit. Boy, did he love the things Harry had just mentioned. But he also knew Harry was kidding. After all, he'd just been talking about eating healthy last night.

"Oh, not all the time, but a treat now and then won't kill us!" Harry added quickly.

"Wait a minute here, Harry. I've been makin' a bit of an effort to eat better lately, but that's beside the point. Let's get this straight. You aren't gonna dictate to me what I eat. You're me roommate, not me mother."

Harry flashed him a sheepish look. "I know. What I meant to say, is that's how I do it. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was gonna make you eat like I do."

"Well, you better not! I'll unleash me temper on you if you stuff me with asparagus, brussels sprouts and that horrible fiber cereal!"

Harry grinned, but said nothing more as they drove to the store.

It was a nightmare. A nightmare that didn't end for nearly two hours.

Harry began throwing things like soy products, quinoa, wheatgerm, alfalfa sprouts, tofu, greek yogurt, sesame seeds and tempeh into the cart right and left; just as fast as Louis was throwing donuts, cookies, ice cream, brownies, coffee cake, soft drinks and frozen burritos.

"I've liked your cookin' so far, so why do you have to change it now?" Louis was exasperated.

"I can add a little of this or that gradually, and you won't even notice. It'll still be just as good," Harry said, sounding reasonably convincing.

"Okay, look. I'll buy the cart with my food in it, and you buy yours," suggested Louis. Or rather, he more or less demanded it.

"I was gonna pay for all of it this time."

"Well, we agreed to take turns payin,' but I'm not payin' for all your organic, pro-biotic super foods or whatever, and I'm sure you don't wanna pay for all my junk shit food. So two carts, it is," Louis was not going to allow Harry to plea his case any longer.