A Walk in the Park--Larry Stylinson

Racing in the Street

So at last, it was out in the open. Louis sat there, and Harry stood there, and they stared at each other. They were attracted to each other, and each of them had admitted it. Now what?

It used to be exciting when he and Harry stared at each other. Now it made Louis restless. His breath came in gasps and gulps, and he knew Harry must see how his shoulders rose and fell with the effort of breathing normally, and not achieving it.

Looking at Harry, Louis saw that his chest was expanding more than usual. So he was breathing hard too with this new knowledge, this discovery that had once been a question.

Harry was stunned senseless. What should he do? Go sit down next to Louis again? Or would he spook him? There was already a wariness in Louis' eyes that Harry took as a warning of impending flight.

"Don't be angry with me Lou," he said so softly that Louis barely made out the words.

"I'm not angry, Haz. I'm a little mad at meself, I guess. That I wasn't up-front with you sooner."

Harry fidgeted, and Louis patted the concrete beside him again. Harry immediately came back to sit with him.

"I should have said sommat too. I'm just as upset with meself as you are with yourself."

Louis smiled. Harry's heart lifted a bit. The universe felt a little softer.

"Right. So let's go inside, yeah?" Louis picked up his spent cigarette butt, brushing the ashes off the edge of the step. As they went back inside, they still hadn't touched, except to sit close as usual. Once on the couch, Harry remembered something.

"Remember the day you said sommat about feeling . . . desirous when I was singin?'"

Louis half-chuckled, a little self-conscious. "Yeah, I do."

"Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about it now?"

"Yeah. And yeah, I meant I was desirous of you. But you must have already known that. I mean, we did everythin' but say it out loud."

"Yeah. And I was freaked out that it might not be what I wanted to believe."

They stared at each other again, neither one wanting to be the first to make a move. Louis didn't know for sure if Harry was gay or bi, or even if he'd been with anyone before, but felt it was out of line to ask that now. The time would come when it would be more appropriate to ask questions of that nature. The one thing he did know right now was all that was needed at the moment.

Louis had never been in love. He'd only had casual sex and only a couple of short-term relationships. All with guys. Never with girls. But the subject would come up sooner or later, and right now, they were both trapped in a state of shock. Afraid to even touch each other . . .

Harry could see the consternation and look of unrest on Louis' face.

"Hey, nothin' has to change. No pressure. Let's just chill, man."

Louis couldn't believe it. Here was Harry, trying to reassure him, when it should probably be the other way around. Louis still doubted Harry had much experience, yet the guy was putting his trust in Louis.

"Wanna watch a movie? How about some porn?" Harry asked.

Louis was so alarmed that he very nearly fell off the couch.

"Relax! Just kiddin!' You didn't think I was serious, did ya?"

"Uh, no. Just surprised me. But you're right. I need to lighten up."

"No shit!" Now Harry was starting to sound like Louis. Louis had to giggle to himself and shake his head.

"What? I'm a grown man, and I'm allowed to cuss, yeah? Livin' with you is conducive to it after all. So I decided to loosen up."