Fake Love; NamKook

ChApTeR nInE

Jungkook

Clenching my fist, I slam the door behind me and escape to my office. Panting in anger and—admitfully—a little resentment, I curse at Namjoon.
Sitting down at my desk, I open the bottom compartment and pull out a box full of pictures of us as kids and teens. Running my fingers over the faces, I notice something.
In every picture I'm the only one smiling. And always looking up at Kim Namjoon. He's always looking directly at the camera with a solemn look or slight grin. He never looks that truly happy. Did I never make him happy? Did he really never feel anything for me like...like I did for him?
He never felt it—the connection? How could he not? It fucking destroyed me when I moved. He never even seemed to be that upset and he never visited me. I waited. And waited. We talked a lot...until we didn't. We planned for him to come up but he never did.
He was always busier with schoolwork. Was that really more important than me? It hurt. It hurt so damn much so I branched out of my comfort zone and met some new people. I've never had trouble making friends but I was just too shy. I didn't broadcast that, though.
     Only Namjoon made me comfortable enough to be myself. Everyone else around me was just fake. He never was. He never pretended anything to make me like him or get close to me. He was just himself. Just his adorable nerdy self.
     It didn't matter that he was older than me. I worshipped him. I wanted him to want to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him. I loved him. Still fucking love him.
    That night still haunts me. The night of my big party. The night I saw Namjoon for the first time in years. God, he looked...just as amazing as I'd remembered—besides the look of disappointment on his face. It upset me.
     All the isolation and loneliness I felt. The abandonment...then him just showing up at the worst possible time. I was drunk. I was having a bad day. The 'friends' I surrounded myself with weren't anything like him. The complete opposite actually. I didn't want to replace him like he'd seem to do with me.
     I didn't want to find someone just like him because there was—is—only one Kim Namjoon.
     Glaring at the many shiny images, I angrily chuck them back into my desk and rub my face. I know I messed up and hurt him but he hurt me first—continues to hurt me. He never cared. Did he ever love me at all?
     Was I just an annoying child to him? I thought he needed me too but I guess it was all me. Always just me. Suffering alone. I'm so tired of being alone.
     I pick up the phone and dial a number. The other end answers quickly. "Hello?"
     "Ah yes, good evening, Seokjin. This is Jeon Jungkook. I'd like to invite you along with your partner to have dinner at my estate." Grinning, I tap my fingers on the desk.
     "Ah, really? B-but why? I'm no one in your company—"
     "Nonsense. You are close to Kim Namjoon, correct?"
     "He's my best friend."
     I scowl at that. "Well he will be here as well. He wantee to invite you as well."
     "Of course. This is an honor, Mr. Jeon.."
     "Yes. Please be here by seven tonight. We will see you then." I hang up the phone, feeling overly satisfied. Maybe now Namjoon will finally let his friend know about our relationship. Perhaps I should invite that annoying shareholder and his daughter for safe measure...
     There's a knock at my door.
    "Come in."
    Namjoon pokes his head in. "Hey, can we talk?"
     My irritation comes back full force. "I suppose but I wasn't aware you had anything else to say. You've made yourself rather clear."
     He pauses. "You don't have to be like that, Kook. You don't have to hide behind formality." He sighs. "I think I was too harsh before. It's just...this is hard for me. Seeing you again after so long. I wasn't prepared for it. I've been a bit of an ass and I want to apologize."
     I hold back a scoff. "Now who's hiding behind formality?"
     He sits down across from me. God, how is he so handsome? He's changed so much and yet not at all. He's always been amazing to me. Someone to look up to, someone to admire. Now it enrages me that I never could make him mine. What's so wrong with me that he could never see himself with me? How blind is he really?
      "I'm not trying to. I'm being honest here. I don't want to continue this negative...negative atmosphere between us." He gestures between us.
      I steeple my fingers and rest my chin on them, staring at him. "I agree. Perhaps I've been a little pushy as well. I will reel back so long as you continue our contract. We have dinner guests tonight." I smile.
     His brow furrows. "Dinner guests?"
     "I took it upon myself to invite Jin and his boyfriend to dinner. I thought you might like to see them."
     "Y-yeah, I do but not like this..."
     "They need to think we are in a real relationship. We've been over this. I don't trust you to tell him yourself so what better way than to show them?"
     He looks conflicted. "I just don't think this is the way—"
     I slam my hand down on the desk making him jump. "Hyung...we have a deal. Honor it. I'm trying not to lose my temper but please take in account your friend's job is still on the line. My father will also be at dinner tonight. Make it real."
     He groans. "Fine, whatever. I'll make it real."
     I smile a little. "Right. Real." A thought comes to mind. I get up from my seat and slowly walk around to his side, propping myself up on the edge of my desk, staring down at him. "How about a little practice?"
      "P-practice?"
     "Yeah, practice. You said you didn't know how to act like a boyfriend, correct? How about I teach you?"
     "I d-don't think..."
     I lean forward, running a finger down his cheek. "Don't think. Just do."