Fake Love; NamKook

ChApTeR tWeNtY tHrEe

Jungkook

    I rigidly sit in my seat, my eyes refusing to acknowledge the fact that Namjoon must walked out on me. I can't move, can't breathe.
     The only thing I feel is the tears on my face making me cold and very alone. I don't want to believe this is happening. He was always...pretending? He doesn't love me? I want it to be a lie. I never knew he was that good an actor.
     He gave me his virginity. He fucked me like he loved me. God, I'm so stupid. I've always been stupid for that man. I've always made mistakes towards him.
     My hands tremble as I ignore the steaming plates of food placed down in front of me. Namjoon's chair is pushed back into place.
    "Is your partner returning soon, sir? We have the surprise waiting in the back for him." The waitress smiles beautifully, eyes full of excitement.
     My heart clenches painfully. I look away. "Just throw it out. He isn't coming back." I stand up and pull out my wallet, handing her a large tip to her surprise—as well as pay the large bill before striding out.
     I'm numb.
     My eyes scan the night to see the car still parked where we left it. Did he walk or take an Uber? He just...left me. Despite his parting words—will he really come back? I don't see why he would bother.
     He made his intentions clear and even though this started out as a fake engagement...I don't think I can go on like this.
     I want him too much. His real true self. Not his fake pretending. I can't be with him and always wonder what his true feelings are. He doesn't love me—never did.
     That's what hits me the hardest. I can't get over his harsh cruel words. They were true, though. I've always caused him trouble. He's always helped cleaning up my messes.
     After all these years...I sought him out to help me again. Even after all I did to him. I should have known better than to let myself truly fall back in love. To give my heart so freely to someone holding a well deserved grudge. It's all my fault.
     I'm not good enough to be anything but his fake love. I don't deserve his real unconditional love. I don't blame him. It hurts but...but...I need to stop holding on so tightly and let him go.
    I'll end the engagement. I should have never attempted to snatch him to me again in the first place. His life was fine before I came back and messed everything up. It's my life that's fucked up. My life that's ruined and lacking any meaning.
     He was happy before I came back into his life. He had forgotten all about me and was better for it.
     God, it hurts.
     I get behind the wheel and just...sit. I don't know where to go. I don't want to go anywhere right now. Not alone. Not in the emotional state I'm in. I was willing to give up everything for Namjoon.
     How am I supposed to break it to my father now that it was all a sham? Clenching my hands on the wheel, I think.
     I...will do what I'm supposed to. A solution to everyone's problems. I'll end it all here. For him.
     Pulling out my phone, I dial the one number I never thought I would. Choi. 
     "Ah, good evening Mr. Jeon. What shall I do for you?"
    Clearing my throat, I blink back tears. "I'm calling to arrange a meeting."
     "Ah really? I thought you turned down all my invitations. You refused my daughter and my son. Have you changed your mind?"
No. No I really haven't. I've changed my heart, however. I clear my throat. "I have thought about it more and I've decided to go ahead with your conditions. It's the best thing for both parties."
     He laughs loudly. "How grand! Shall I call my son for an arrangement?"
     "No. No...I'll...I'll agree to a meeting with Soha." It takes everything in me to get that out.
He pauses. "Are you sure? I won't disappoint my daughter again if you change your mind." He wants sternly.
I take a deep breath, foggily staring ahead into the night. "I won't change my mind."
I'm numb.
******************************

"Wow. I can't believe you really showed up."
I glance up from staring into space to see Soha looking perfectly lovely and put together in a cream colored sweater dress and modest gold heels. Her jewelry isn't too flashy. Her long dark hair swept to the side and twisting down her shoulder.
I swallow back bile. What am I doing? "I keep my promises."
She nods, sitting down and resting her chin against her hands, staring at me. "Why the sudden change? I thought you already had a lover and fiancé?" She actually sounds curious and not mocking. Perhaps I've misjudged her.
I shrug. Since Namjoon left the other night I haven't had the courage to go home and face him...or worse...seeing his things disappear from my room. I've stayed in a hotel and haven't left since this planned meeting. I turned off my phone and just shut out the world, wallowing in depression and self loathing.
"You look tired. Lover's quarrel?"
"Can we not talk about this?"
"My apologizes. What would you like to talk about?"
"How about the wedding? I haven't had a chance to speak to my father but I'm assuming your father has told him the news?"
Her eyes light up. "Yes, they've chatted a lot. I think they are very pleased with this meeting."
I nod, my heart not in it. "That's good."
Her head tilts a bit as she observes me. "Jungkook, May I say speak frankly?"
I nod again, playing with my wine glass absentmindedly. "Of course."
"I don't think you're going to be happy with me."
"Happiness doesn't matter in this case. We both know it's all about business."
"That's not true. Everyone deserves to be happy." She pauses. "To be honest, I never wanted to be in this situation, either. Being born a daughter to such a wealthy and powerful family isn't fun or easy. Since I was a young girl, I was told to prepare myself for being married off to the highest bidder. I hate this reality and life very much."
I look at her in surprise.
She smiles a sweet smile. "I remember the first time I saw you and was told you were to be my husband. Do you know the first thing I thought?"
I shake my head.
"I thought...he looks cold. I don't know why but I felt that you were probably in a worse situation than myself and I thought maybe I could give you some warmth. That we could both be less lonely together. I think I was wrong."
"W-why do you think that?"
"Because when you revealed your true lover...that coldness inside you seemed to disappear and I saw something in you I've always lacked."
"Which is?"
She hesitates. "The feeling and warmth of real love. I don't understand why you're giving that up to go through this sham with me now? How could you—in our world it's nearly impossible to reach happiness. You had that. You let it go so easily without fighting for it? I seriously can't condone that." Her words are stern and scolding almost.
I laugh. "This is good for you, though. I can give you money, a home, a child. Anything you want. You can have it all without even having to ask. This is all to your benefit."
Her eyes harden. "Do you think I'm that type of person? I long and dream for what you have. I cannot accept this without knowing you did everything you could to keep it. Yes, perhaps you can give me everything a girl dreams of except for the one thing I want most—real love. I would give up all of this for just a touch of that. You will never love me. I could grow to love you but it would be a wasted emotion and energy, don't you think?"
I'm silent.
She stirs her drink, her pink lips twisting ruefully. She's nothing like I could have every expected. Nothing like her father and brother.
"Are you rejecting me?" I finally open my mouth.
She snorts. "I don't have the right to reject you."
"You don't want this?" I never once considered her feelings on this forced marriage would be the same as mine.
"As the daughter of the Choi's—I fully accept this proposal. I'm honored to be your future wife. As a woman with thoughts and feelings of her own—I don't agree with this."
"Then why are you here?"
Her smile returns. She reaches across the table and grasps my hand. "I liked your partner. I liked seeing you together and ignoring all social standards for people like us. I would like to lend my hand to help you repair the damages. It would...make me happy to see someone else given a chance I am not allowed."
I stare at her hard. "I don't understand."
She licks her lip. "My oppa is a piece of work and I know he's at fault for harming your relationship. I would like to help you get him out of your life. I will volunteer to be your cover as well—for our parents."
"Why...would you do this?"
She shrugs, eyes alight with fierceness and excitement. "This is the most fun I've ever had. I would like to get back at my family. You aren't the only one that suffers under immense pressure. I, too, would like to revolt and be free. Let's work together, Jeon Jungkook."
"Soha..."
"Let's work on a plan to separate my oppa from your fiance first, shall we?"
I want to tell her there's no point but I can't. I can't tell her that Namjoon has never really been mine. I should tell her it's all over but...it's nice. It's nice finally having someone supportive on my side. I'm tired of being in this life alone.
I like this...new weird friendship being formed. Maybe I did give up too quickly without fighting. It's just...if what he told me is true...is there really anything there to fight for?