Lorraine (Sequel To Wild Child)

Love Always Lorraine

"Life has no music with you gone."

As Lorraine

What pisses me off is they didn't find Claud's body.  They assume he is gone.  His family held a funeral for him with no body. They held one in France and one here. I at first refused to attend but Kyle talked me into it.  It's fine I went along.  I just want everyone to leave me alone.  I refuse to believe that Claud is actually gone. Where his the body huh? They had a search team trying to find the body for a week.  I talked to Claud's family including his brothers.  They told me they would keep searching but they must hold a funeral for now.  Don't ask me why. Maybe it's for business reason? Who knows. At least with my parents, their bodies were found. Did I ever tell you that when they found my parents' bodies, they were holding each other?

I am not giving up.  I know Claud is out there somewhere.  He just needs to get home.  I am tired of people trying to tell me he is gone. I rather not talk to them. Even Kyle he thinks I am not facing reality.  I tell everyone that Claud is still alive and out there somewhere, they don't believe me. And how do I know? I can feel him. I do research day after day, looking at articles where people survive airplane crash. There was one story about this guy that actually survived and was living in a cave for the longest time.  Finally they found him.  It was a true story I kid you not. I will just wait.  Every night when I lie in bed I would keep praying that Claud can hear me... Telling him to come back soon.  You all know what telepathy is don't you? 

So when Kyle and everyone see me suddenly acting all okay so fast.  They think something is wrong with me. Like I am in denial.  I am not.  I seriously am not.  They are so funny.  Shane came to me one night "Rain... You know we are here for you and we love you." I smile at him "I know Shaney.  I know you guys love me. Don't worry okay?" I give up on telling them that Claud is alive. Roland of course tells me if there is anything that I need, let him know.  Well I told him he should hire another search team looking for Claud.  They do have private search and rescue teams for hire. I did my research.  I told Roland if he could do that for me, it would be awesome.  And he did.  That much I should thank him for.  I also him if he believes that Claud is out there somewhere.  Surprisingly he tells me there is always a chance since his body was never found.  The thing with Roland is, he believes in life's second chances.  He himself has almost died twice.  Even though Roland walked away from me when I wanted to settle down with him, it makes me feel good that he is with me on this.  That is why I start to hangout with him.  It makes me feel better that I can actually talk to someone that doesn't think I am in denial.  Even Claud's family believes he is dead.  I did too at first.  But then again, show me the body please.

As Roland

I was shocked at first when I read in the news that Claud's plane crashed. His family held a funeral for him so fast even without body.  I know it has to do with their brand's stock shares.  I am not sure about the detail but that's what I assume it to be. Lorraine asks me to help her hire a search and rescue team to keep looking for Claud.  I did it for her.  A lot of people would think I am an asshole for not wanting to settle down with Lorraine. The fact is when you are at her age, what's the point to settle down. I would hate for her to realize later in life that there are better fish in the pond.  For instance Claud.  As for me I don't want to settle down at the moment either.  It's not all for her.  I want to enjoy my life and do all I want before I settle down to have a family.  When I say I want to live my life people immediately think that means I want to fuck different women every day.  People are just so simpleminded. Why when a man says he wants to live life and people assume it's about women.  I have a lot of other things that I want to do. For instance I went skydiving, bungee jumping, heliskiing, cage diving with great white sharks and there are much more I still have to do.  And people may ask why not do it with someone you love. And I say I need to so all these on my own first because once you settle down and start a family, you don't want to endanger yourself to do all these crazy things.  What about I die skydiving and I will be leaving my family behind. Or do I tell Lorraine to do it together with me and risk putting her in danger? Anyway it is not important anynore at this point.  Lorraine and I have been hanging out more often because of Claud.  And if I tell you I am not doing it for selfish reason too, that's a lie.  I still love Lorraine and I still wish to be with her. Right now she needs someone to lean on and that someone is me.  While everyone thinks she is going crazy, I am the only one that also believe Claud might still be alive.  I am not just saying that to make Lorraine feel better, I really do believe it.  Lorraine is still going on with her life as normal. Doing photo shoots and runway shows.  She's still the spokesperson for "Visage". Some magazines went as far to talk crap about Lorraine. Calling her a heartless bitch when they see her having a good time partying and going places with a smile on her face.  They want her to keep grieving over the loss of Claud.  Nobody knows the truth behind that smile.

As Lorraine

It's been over 165 days since Claud is missing.  I am still waiting.  I don't care what people say.  I still have Roland on my side.  The search and rescue we hired is still ongoing.  I don't care how much money we have to spend, I just need Claud back.  It is so funny that the tabloids are saying shit about me. And they think they can bring me down? They can think again. I am still getting a lot of modeling jobs. I can say even more than before. 

Tonight I invited Kyle, Shane and Lucas to dinner.  I haven't had dinner with them for so long.  I also what to tell them I am moving out.  I found a house I really like by the beach.  I want to have a home ready when Claud comes back.  I already have in mind a home office for him.  I know exactly what he likes because we talked about it. Over dinner everyone is happy and I want this moment to last forever.  When I announce that I am moving out, they all stared at me. Shane is the first to speak "Rain why?" I tell him I am a grown up now and I need a place of my own. Kyle and Lucas should have their own place. I cannot live with them forever. Kyle was upset "That is your home Lorraine. You never have to leave." I smile "My dear brother I just think it's time I have a place of my own. I will still come home. Not like I am moving out of the country."  Then my French boy says great now he can have sex everywhere in the house without having to worry I am there.  See I love my French boy. I know he is trying to make light of the situation.  He is my soulmate.  Soulmates don't necessarily have to be together, I hope you know.  Finally Kyle says "Okay but you better throw a housewarming party and you better have a room there for us." I raised my glass "I will have rooms for all of you. Bottoms up." I throw my head back and chuck the drink.  In my mind I am telling Claud that I will be waiting for him in our new home.