Warrior Cats Random Spoofs

Dr. Phil

Or in this case - Medicine Cat Jayfeather!

Jayfeather: I am here for you, and I will make sure your problems will get solved! Or...I may just tell you to shut up and deal with it.

*theme music plays*

Jayfeather: Our first visitor is Hollyleaf, who has an obsession with sharpies. Come on in, Hollyleaf!

*music plays and audience cheers*

Hollyleaf: *enters holding a sharpie in each paw*

Jayfeather: Hi, there, Hollyleaf!

Hollyleaf: *doesn't talk, but takes one of her sharpies and slowly draws a line down her face*

Jayfeather: *le stare*

Audience: *le stare*

Hollyleaf: *whispers* sharpie...

Jayfeather: Okay, you're hopeless, we're done here!

*music plays and the audience cheers*

Hollyleaf: *gets up and leaves* *uses a sharpie to draw a line from her chair to the exit*

Jayfeather: *facepaw* Great StarClan...

*music stops and audience quiets down*

Jayfeather: Our next visitor is Graystripe, who has stage fright, as well as a love crisis!

*music plays and audience cheers*

Graystripe: *enters slowly, looking at every audience member as he goes to sit down*

Jayfeather: Hello, Graystripe!

Graystripe: ...hai

Jayfeather: So, let's talk about this stage fright of yours!

Graystripe: ...so many cats watching me scares me...I wanna eat my waffles in peace!!!!

Jayfeather: then was it exactly a good idea to come on the show today?

Graystripe: Great StarClan, maybe not! *starts to shrink and curl up in his chair* Uh oh...I forgot a diaper...

Jayfeather: OKAY OKAY LET'S NOT DO THAT HERE! Let's talk about your love issues instead!

Lionblaze (crew member): *gives Jayfeather a waffle*

Jayfeather: Thanks, man! Here's a waffle, Graystripe! *hands Graystripe the waffle*

Graystripe: *takes the waffle and puts it on his head*

Jayfeather: ...Okay. Now, Graystripe, what is going on in your love life?

Graystripe: I love waffles.

Jayfeather: That's it?

Graystripe: Waffles.

Jayfeather: Isn't Millie your mate? Didn't you have kits with her?

Graystripe: She doesn't fulfill the happiness for me that waffles do.

Jayfeather: ...Bro, I don't know what to tell ya except to enjoy your waffles!

Graystripe: I CAN'T!!!

Jayfeather: Why the furball not??

Graystripe: *holds waffle up to Jayfeather's face* IT DOESN'T TALK TO ME!!!

Jayfeather: But you just said it already fulfilled your needs!!

Graystripe: I did?

Jayfeather: *beginning to lose faith in cat humanity* Graystripe, it is a waffle. It doesn't talk. You're crazy.

Graystripe: The voices in my head say I'm not crazy!

Jayfeather: Alrighty, we're done here. Bye, Graystripe!

*music plays and audience stays silent*

Graystripe: *walks slowly to the exit and freezes*

Jayfeather: What now?

Graystripe: DIAPER DIAPER DIAPER!!!

Jayfeather: What?

*audience gasps*

Jayfeather: ...too late

*music still plays as Graystripe pees everywhere*

Jayfeather: *wipes head with a hanky* Okay, we're done here. See you all on the next Medicine Cat Jayfeather...

Let me know if you all want more of this, because it was fun to write!