Just The Two Of Us <Sweet Pea FF>

58. The weight of lies

"The end of senior year" Mr. Parker puts a big stack of papers on the table in front of him "and as promised here are the poems you wrote in the beginning of the year"

I almost forgot about it. Betty told me Mr. Parker is known for letting his students write poems or letters in the first lesson and returns them on the last day. A cute idea if you ask me.

He let's the piece of paper slide onto my table and look at the title:
Tomorrow

I loved writing and cant even remember why I stopped.

"I know every student hates it but I've decided that everybody is going to read their text in front of the class. Has anyone seen dead poet society? Well it's kind of like that"
"What if we dont want to?" Fangs who seems awkwardly nervous about his poem raises his hand
"Thank you Mr. Fogerty I was just waiting for someone to ask. In that case we can always write one last test"

Groaning fills the room.
"Alright then, we'll do this alphabetically and will start with Archie Andrews"
His eyes widen in shock but he gets up and walks to the front of the class.

Many good poems were read, and just as many bad ones. About love, pain, music, passion, sports, anger...
The sad ones put tears in our eyes, the funny ones made us laugh and with every new text we learn a bit more about the person in the front.
Next up is Jug and I'm already excited for his since he is a passionate writer.

"My text is called: Love Rain" he clears his throat and begins

How many nights do I have to spend in pain
For me to stop being scared of love?
At the sound of the rain, I’m closing the doors
I wanna hide my heart so I don’t even know

Is it like the rain on a summer night?
Like a rain shower that passes without an umbrella
I’m sure I’ll fall in love again
Like this unstoppable love rain

Suddenly you came to me
Wordlessly passing by
I tried walking faster
But I couldn’t avoid it
Please tell me now
As you see me
Standing in front of love
When will I be able to be me?

Even after time, it’s the same
If it hurts this much
I thought it’d heal when the scar forms
But I guess you can’t help it with love
You don’t get numb from love just because you do a lot of it

Is it like the rain on a summer night?
Like a rain shower that passes without an umbrella
I’m sure I’ll fall in love again
Like this unstoppable love rain

The class starts applauding.
Next is Veronica and after her it's my turn. Usually, I'm not that anxious about doing something in front of the class. But my heart starts beating against my ribs like I'm stepping onto the stage in the bonne nuit again and the lights are all on me just like the eyes.

"What's your text called" Mr. Parkers brown eyes look at me in anticipation
"Tomorrow" I sigh and let my hands with the paper sink, I still know it by heart.

"Receiving love doesn’t mean you have it
Covering time doesn’t mean it passes
Breathing doesn’t mean you live

There’s no tomorrow
I’m stopped still from that time, that place
It’s the last, lingering moment
Although for you, it was just a passing day

There’s no more tomorrow
Till you come back, everyday is yesterday
There’s no more tomorrow

The memories that ripped apart my heart rip the days
Of the calendar and fades away like the end of the year
I live as I pretend to forget you –
My world still hasn’t changed –
You’re still not there
People all say that if you look back, you will laugh
Even though I have a hard time
Turning my head that used to face you
I don’t want to hear it
But why do they keep blabbering?
I’m lingering here

Don’t say that the sun will rise tomorrow
Because it will be a darker morning than a night with you
Don’t say that the ground hardens after the rain
Because it will be a relief
That is more frustrating than our worries
Everything is a mess
It’s springtime again for you
But seasons don’t change for me
Even though you say my heart will bloom again,
I’ve got no tomorrow

There’s no tomorrow
I’m stopped still from that time, that place
It’s the last, lingering moment
Although for you, it was just a passing day

There’s no more tomorrow
Till you come back, everyday is yesterday
There’s no more tomorrow

My insides are empty and my smile is dead
But you say that I look better than when I was with you
You say that you can let out a sigh of relief now
But I’m running out of breath –
The smile doesn’t deceive only me
I did become normal –
My heart became burdensome so I emptied it out a lot
I’m really going crazy –
Please stop saying words of comfort that I can’t hear
Don’t say that you can forget love by having a different love
Because it will be a lonelier meet than separation
Don’t say that time heals all
Because each moment will be like death for me
Yes, receiving love doesn’t mean you have it
Covering time doesn’t mean it passes
Breathing doesn’t mean you live
Now I know
There is no tomorrow"

I look up, the class is dead silent. I'm waiting for any kind of reaction, from the class, Mr. Parker or myself. Why dont I just walk back to my chair and sit down.
"Beautiful" my teacher comments "you really put your heart into it and shared it with us. Thank you"

I feel the tears raising in my eyes and press my lips together. With a nod I quickly return to my place. Nobody knows that my poem is not about a break up, it's about my past. My parents and the foster families I was in. The pain, anger and pity.