Just The Two Of Us <Sweet Pea FF>

74. Fool

The aching in my skull ebbs and flows like a cold tide, yet the pain is always there. I understand at once why they call it a hangover, for it feels as if the blackest of clouds are over my head with no intention of clearing until late afternoon.

Just opening my eyes is painful and I need a moment in the dimly lit room to remember where I am and who is lying next to me.

I swing my legs off the bed and instantly regret it as I feel sick to my stomach. Slowly, I drag myself into the bathroom that is attached to the guest bedroom.

I splash cold water on my face just to feel something refreshing and instantly wish I could wash my brain free of the toxins too. The mirror shows my eyes, no longer the glamour girl of last night.

How the smell of the wine last night was intoxicating, yet this morning it adds to the nausea. The thirst stays after each slow drink of water and my head feels fit to crack open.

So my plan of getting over sweet pea instead of under him didn't work.

A look on my phone tells me it's 7 am and 20 missed calls and messages tell me that I'm in trouble.

"Oh fuck" whisper and return to the bedroom. Sweet pea is still sleeping, that gives me time to pick up my clothes from the ground and leave before he wakes up. I can't face another awkward conversation.

"Oh Jesus" my hand touches my chest, where my heart is racing from the shock of seeing toni sit in the kitchen.
"Didn't know you were still here"
"I'm just on my way out" I point to the door.

"I slept here because I was so tired yesterday, I must've fallen asleep on some bed" I explain, although she did not ask. Probably, more people slept here because they couldn't drive home.

An evil grin tucks on Toni's lips and her eyebrow rises.
"Sure"
Alright, so she knows.

I make my way back home. Messed up hair, the outfit from last night, clenching my coat around my body.
The walk of shame.
I look like a fool. I am a fool.

The only reason I am sleeping with sweet pea is because I hope it turns into something more. Hoping he realises that we can't be only friends and get back together.

I am a clown. I should wear a colourful wig, ridiculously big shoes and I should paint my face white and draw a big smile on it.

Oh, what a fool I have become.
And all I earn is pain. Still i did it again and how i know me, I'll probably do it again and again and again.

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

The door swings open and my eyes widen in shock and fear on what is about to come. I can barely stand looking into fps eyes while shame and guilt overwhelms me.

He is just standing there in his sheriff uniform staring me into the ground. Making me feel like I violated a law.
Disappointment and surprise in his eyes.

"I'm so so sorry, fp..." I stutter, walking up the stairs.
"I wanted to text you but...but..."

As I stand in front of him as the sad little figure that I am he sighs and it almost looks like his broad shoulders shrink together. A sigh leaves his mouth. The one you do when your cat destroyed your couch or your dog ate the garbage again but you just can't stay mad at them because they look so innocent and guilty at the same time. They are so cute that you can't stay mad at them.

That's me. I'm the dog that ate the garbage.

"It's alright, kid" he takes me inside "Jughead should've taken you home with him"