Just The Two Of Us <Sweet Pea FF>

78. Be Honest

"Sit down. Would you like some?" the lady with the dark curls smiles and nods at the bowl full of treats.
"Not saying no to that. Thank you" I grab a handful and sink down on the couch.

"So, Julia, how are you?" She questions. That's a pretty lame start for a psychiatrist, if you ask me. She was hired from the school and is now making a small therapy session with the students, mostly because of the stress of applying for university, I guess.

"Good" I nod and put a smile on my face.
"I guess we can't talk about a failed college application. You got into Harvard on the first try, very inpressive" she crosses her legs and lays her hands on top of them.
"Thank you, I'm really excited"
"I have to say, you're the first student I talk to, who has no parent troubles" she keeps on talking but that wide friendly smile from before is gone. Instead there is an empathetic head tilt and her pitiful eyes.

"You read my file" I shrug my shoulders. Of course she read my file. She knows everything about me.

"I did. Nonetheless, you said you were good. Why don't you tell me about your life and how everything is good?" a small curl falls into her face but she doesn't bother to push it behind her ear again.

"Hm, I guess I should start with the murder of my parents then?" I bite my lips, knowing that's all she wanted to talk about since the moment I stepped into this room. Almost frantic I try to stay calm and give her the impression of a sane woman, who has her life together and moved on from everything. Still I bite my lips nervously.

"I was nine and we lived in New York. I was in my room when I heard a loud noise, probably the door being kicked in. My parents where in the living room and two or three men with black masks came in and started to shoot. Everything happened so fast. I know I peeked through the door and the shock took over my body. I couldn't move, I couldn't cry, I just stood there paralysed in the door. Just when the men left I came out and screamed. My ears where ringing from the fire and I kneeled down next to them, covered in blood. There was so much blood" I shake my head, trying to get the picture out of my mind "They were already dead"

"That is a tragic story and I'm truly sorry for your loss, you were just a child. You never had a therapy session to deal with it? Did you ever get to process everything?" The pity in her eyes won't go away.

"There was no time. My grandparents in spain couldn't take care of me, they are too old, my mother was an only child and my aunt and uncle travel a lot. They could not have raised me so I got into an orphanage and later got into a foster family. I had other troubles and no one to talk to. So no, there was no way of processing it." My fingers nibble on the plastic, trying to open a butter finger.

"I see that although you don't like it, it is easy for you to talk about it" the therapist lady nods reassuringly.
"It's good talking about it like its normal. Not some kind of tragedy" I answer, but still I can't look into her eyes.

"So your foster family, how did they treat you?" She writes something down on a paper. Oh boy.

"Well, they took quite a few children in, probably for the extra money. With me, there were five girls and six boys. We had to sleep on mattresses on the floor, packed into one room like sardines. Our mother did not really care about food and our father... he hit us" I stare into the air.

She doesn't respond. I've seen this on tv, she wants me to keep talking.
"Alright" I sigh " anyway, we moved to riverdale and that's how i got to Southside high"

"You didn't go to Riverdale high in the beginning?"

"No" a chuckle escapes my lips "Southside high was this rancid, badly equipped school on the other side of the tracks, with gangs and everything" I make a weird hand movement at the word gang.

"Yeah, my brain was like, don't do it, don't do it. But I did it" a weird explanation to my gang sign. Nervously I continue to explain my explanation "I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me" I clap while shifting on the sofa "So, where were we"

"Southside high" she responds while making another note on her paper.

"Ah right, it was an awful school and it was filled with drugs until one day there was a raid and I was thrown into jail, don't really know why" I shrug my shoulders.

"After that we were all transferred to riverdale high"
"We?" Her eyebrows raise
"My friends, the serpents. Ah, yeah, it's this gang. I joined it about the time I got to riverdale high"

Another note on her paper
"Is it possible, that this gang is a replacement? You are trying to compensate the loss of you family by 'creating' a new one?" She leans back in her chair like she is sherlock Holmes and just solved a tricky murder.

"You're good" I nod "But no. I joined the gang because of my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. He initiated it. And I lived at his place after I ran away from my foster parents" biting my lips again.

"Funny story, I was put into this institution, the sisters of quiet mercy, for that. You probably read about the place in the paper. They tried to help 'troubled youth' by drugging them and forcing them to do physical work" I stop elaborating "I just heard it" a nervous laugh escapes my mouth, my whole story sounds completely crazy.

"Besides, I don't know what they wanted, I was never troubled" I contort my voice in a weird but funny way. She doesn't laugh.

"Long story short, it was my friends mother, she's totally crazy. She wanted to get rid of me because I knew too much" as i say it i notice I'm the crazy one.

"Moving on" I shift uncomfortably and cross my legs "At this time the black hood was committing murders all over town. Turns out it was my friends father but that's a different story. The black hood killed my friend mitch and displayed her corpse on stage during the school music"

I pause and think about what happened next.

"Yeah, so my birthday came up and my boyfriend broke up with me. No, wait. I broke up with him because I thought he cheated. Just a huge misunderstanding" I laugh it off throwing my hand through the air.

Again she doesn't answer.

"Did I tell you about the time I got shot and almost died?" I smile nervously.