The Middle - Volume Two ✔️

Chapter 22 (Erin)

Erin

"Jamie, I am not letting you pay. You pay for fucking everything. Just let me get this, for once in your god damn life." 

I shove a twenty onto the counter of the coffee cart we're standing in front of in Central Park. The guy behind the counter raises his eyebrows at Jay, alarmed at my attitude. Yeah, this is me, whatever, get used to it. I'm a little on edge, and I'm about to completely piss off the boy I love. The least I can do is buy him a fucking cup of coffee first. 

"Well, thanks, Er." Jay says, taking his coffee from the counter. "See - I thanked you. We are capable of being nice to each other. You should try it." 

He nudges me with his hip as we turn away from the cart. I smile, because I can't help it. Typical Jerin, as Jamie has taken to calling us. Arguing, bickering, always rude to each other. But, we work in our own way. This is us. It just needs to stop. Today. I'm shitting myself, and I already feel like a complete bitch. But, this isn't gonna be news to him. I haven't lead him on at all. He knows I don't see a future for us, he already knows this. But, last night with him was so amazing (again, just like the first time) and I said a lot of stuff to him in the heat of the moment... He's hopeful now. I know he is. He's hoping I'll come around to his way of thinking and change my mind about us. I need to make absolutely damn sure that he knows that isn't gonna happen. That's my mission for today. That, and not letting slip anything about Sarah and Joel. Soel? Jorah? I haven't decided on their ship name yet, but I have decided that I am completely on board with those two. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realised that they are fucking perfect for each other. They would make beautiful babies, too. But, that's not important right now. Not for me, anyway, and certainly not for Jay. 

"So, Jamie." I start as we begin our walk around the park. He sighs, and I turn to face him curiously. 

"Are you ever gonna quit calling me Jamie?" He asks, grinning at me. I know he loves that I call him by his full name, as much as he hates anyone else calling him Jamie. He puts up with me doing it. Because he loves me. Maybe this is a good place to start. 

"Okay, as of this moment, I will never refer to you as Jamie again. From now on, you're Jay."

"Jay. I like it. I'll tell the guys to start calling me that too." 

I laugh automatically. Shit. No. No cute, flirty chats. That's enough of that. 

"Okay, so, Jay." I say, and he rolls his eyes while we walk. He's smiling though. I love his smile. Ugh, this fucking sucks, but I need to do it. 

"I wanted to talk to you today, to clarify a few things." I start, and he stops walking. I stop too, and look up at him. He's frowning now. Christ, that was a quick turnaround. 

"If you're about to start going on about how much you don't wanna date me, you can save it." He says sternly. "I already know, and I don't wanna hear it today. I just wanna spend some more time with you, while I can." 

He moves to start walking again, like he thinks he's closing the topic of conversation. I step in line with him, and we continue walking. 

"Jay, I know you don't wanna talk about it again. But, last night was... amazing. I just need to be sure that it hasn't given you false hope or whatever. I don't wanna lead you on." 

He sighs again, before pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket and lighting one. "Go on then." is all he says, before exhaling smoke. 

"Go on then, what?" I ask, unsure what he means. 

"You clearly have an agenda, so just say whatever you need to say to me so that we can get it over with." He says, sipping his coffee and smoking as we walk. I sip my coffee. I kinda wanna smoke too now, but I'll wait. No distractions.