The Middle - Volume Two ✔️

Chapter 48

Jamie

We're almost through playing the first half of the Ball, and it's going well so far. We've only played three of our own original songs, which kinda sucks, but this is still fun. I am enjoying it, even though after around half an hour I had to admit defeat and sit down on a stool. My arm was getting a little heavy, and this way I can support the weight of my guitar with my legs. Unfortunately, my navy converses are on full display now, as sitting like this has hitched my dress up a little at the front. I don't care, but I did notice the Dean's assistant frowning at my footwear the last time she walked by the stage. Whatever, lady. We're doing a good job here, for free I may add. Bands usually get paid to play at this type of thing. I'm gonna point that out if she tries to give me shit about my shoes later.

We've just finished up playing Amazed by Lonestar. A choice of mine. Perfect slow song for couples at a dance. Patrick moaned about that one a little - he much prefers playing fast, upbeat songs. But, whatever. I like slow songs too, and he appreciates that. Jay and Joel don't mind either. Next on the set list is Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. Jay chose that one. It's quite a crowd pleaser, and funnily enough, Jay's male vocal suits the song really well. We start it up as most of the couples that were just slow dancing to Amazed vacate the dancefloor. A lot of girls come up to dance as Jay sings his opening lines (I thought I saw a girl brought to life. She was warm, she came around, like she was dignified) and I just sit on my stool, balancing my guitar on my lap. I don't have a part to play in this song quite yet, which I'm thankful for. My arm is starting to feel a bit numb, and I'm glad this is our last song before we break.

I look around as Jay approaches the chorus (there's nothing where, she used to lie. The conversation has run dry. That's what's goin' on.) and I spot Aubrey and John dancing together. I smile to myself, because they look adorable. Aubrey was telling me that she and John are both heading home to Ohio together for the holidays. They're so excited to tell their families about their new found love. I'm not jealous at all.

Jay sings the chorus, and I start strumming at my guitar, just like we rehearsed. The chords are simple, so I continue scanning the crowd. I'm looking for him. I haven't seen him at all tonight yet, and I'm kinda starting to think he isn't coming after all. He told me he'd see me at the Snow Ball, though. I know I'm holding out hope for something, but what that is exactly, I have no clue. I wanna see him tonight, though. I wanna see how he'll act around me. Will he be a normal, human boy, like he was before he left my house the other morning? Or will he default back to asshole mode?

And then, I see him. I feel my throat dry up, and my face go cold. Because he's with a girl.

'Illusion never changed, into something real.'

Of course he is. I'm not even surprised. His arm is around her, his hand is on her lower back, and he's smiling and laughing down at her. I can only see the back of her head. Short, blonde hair. Pretty, pink dress. Typical.

'I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn!'

I swallow, because I will not let this bother me. I almost messed up that last chord when I saw him with her just now, but I managed to save it. I have the next verse and chorus. I need to start singing real soon.

'You're a little late. I'm already torn.'

Jay stops singing, the four of us continue playing, but I've drawn a blank. The lyrics to the second verse have completely fallen out of my head. All I can do is stare at Noah and this girl. I need to stop.

I tear my eyes away from them and look up at the snowflakes dangling from the ceiling. My gaze will remain fixed on this one particular snowflake. It's a little broken, actually. One of the corners has a tear in it. It's torn. Ironic.

The guys are looking at me with raised eyebrows now, because I still haven't started signing. Shit. I can't, I just can't think of the lyrics. Seeing Noah just now has shaken me. Damn it!

'So I guess the fortune tellers right.'

Jay picks it up. Thank god. I give him a small smile, thanking him, before fixing my gaze on my broken snowflake again.

'I don't care, I have no luck. I don't miss it all that much.'

I consider joining in with Jay on the chorus, but I don't. I'm not confident that my voice will come out normal. And Jay's voice suits this song so much better than mine does anyway. So, I'll carry on playing my guitar and I'll remain quiet.

'You're a little late, I'm already torn!'

The second the song ends, I look away from my torn snowflake and fix my gaze on the floor. I get up from the stool and dart backstage. The house lights are coming up, because there's a buffet during the break. I don't wanna eat. I wanna go home. I won't go about this the way I did at the Halloween Dance, though. I'll let my friends know exactly what I'm doing. I will answer calls and texts. I will be a grown up about this. But, the truth is, I really just wanna leave.

"I think I'm gonna take off you guys." I say to my boys as they join me backstage.

"Are you okay?" Patrick asks, concerned.

"Yeah, what's wrong? You totally spaced out on that last song." Jay's eyebrows pull together and his eyes sweep over my arm. "Was this too much?"

"Yeah, my arm is getting pretty heavy." I say, and it is the truth. "I don't think I should play any longer, and I just wanna get to bed."

"I'll drive you home, we got 15 minutes." Joel says, and I accept his offer.

I don't wanna get caught up talking to Aubrey or anyone else... So, Joel and I leave through the hallways surrounding the ballroom. He carries my guitar for me, of course. Always the gentleman. We step outside onto the front quad and begin making our way over the grass towards the parking lot, when we both stop at the sound of a couple of familiar voices.

"I won't be played the fool, though. If I start having doubts, I'm out. I really mean that."

"I know you do. I don't doubt it for a second. But, it's not gonna happen. You aren't gonna have any doubts, I promise."

"How can I be sure?"

"I don't know. You just gotta trust me, I guess."

"I just don't know if I should. But, I want to."

"Well - how do you feel about me?"

"Zach, I..."

"Don't think about it, Kim, just go with it."

There's a pause.

"I feel like I've been bulldozed."

"Well, go with that."

Joel and I exchange a curious look, before darting behind a nearby bush. Zach and Kim are sitting on a bench together, underneath a flower covered archway. Super romantic. She's wearing a knee length red dress, prom style. He's wearing a black tux. They both look awesome, and they make such a cute couple. Zach is holding both of Kim's hands in her lap. Clearly, they're having a deep chat. One that Joel and I do not wanna interrupt. We move along, quietly, before they notice us. And I ignore the sharp pang of jealousy I feel at the sight of them sitting all cosy like that. They're working through their shit and getting to where they wanna be. I wish I could say the same for me and Noah.

As soon as Joel drops me off at home, I grab my car keys and beckon Benji outside. I wanna listen to sad songs and take a walk along the beach. Sure, it's dark, but I'll be fine. I have Benji, and I'm taking my phone. If anyone tries to contact me tonight, I will be reachable. See, I may be feeling a little down, but at least I'm maturing.