Beautiful Enough To Frame

My Will

At the tender age of 18
When the world had finally opened up
And allowed me to be free
When the rules and guidelines set forth
By those before
No longer applied to me
When life had started a new chapter
I wrote my will
There wasn't much in it
Just a few apologies to people
And the belief that my things would be
Taken care of
But I wrote it with a sole purpose
And whoever read it
Would know what to do with it
But yes, I wrote a will
It's funny, I wrote both a will
And a letter
One was to put everything in order
Should questions arise
And another was to explain why
Why I wrote it in the first place
Why I decided to write this and not
A poem
Why I was so sure
That whatever came next
Required a piece like this
I didn't have a working printer at home
So I went to my school and borrowed one
I shuffled it in some stacks of papers
So no one would see or suspect
But I forgot who I was with
So when he rummaged through the stack
And unintentionally came across it
He looked straight at me
And was scared
He asked me what it was
Why I wrote it
Who it was for
And what I was going to do
And I was honest with him
I told him that it was nothing
That it was just in case something
Happened
And he asked what I meant by that
So I explained that in the event
That I got into a car crash
Or an accident befell me
I didn't want anyone to think
That it was on purpose
I wanted to explain that it was not
My intention to die
Rather, that it just happened
Of course, he didn't believe me
And I had to beg him to let me go home
And watch Netflix
I saw the fear in his eyes
And the tears rolling down his cheek
And I became sad
Because if I hadn't tried to do it before
He wouldn't have thought twice
He wouldn't have to believe that
I was going to do it again
He wouldn't have to imagine the thought
Of losing his best friend
And I was sad
It was at that moment that I knew
Nothing was ever going to be the same
And I had to be careful of what I said
Or how I acted
Because everything was taken as a sign
A warning of what I might try
So I learned to keep quiet
Not to become so attached to people
Not to speak my mind
In fear of starting a social riot
I hid my emotions and my thoughts
Not because I didn't want to tell anyone
But because I didn't want to cause
The same pain
That I caused him