We Met On The Road To Recovery

2.

Faith Elizabeth
"Who was on the phone last night?" I asked Mum as we sat down for breakfast.
Mum sighed lightly.
"Erm no one" she shrugged staring out of the window, sipping gently on a cup of tea.
"You're lying. I heard you" I said swirling my smoothie in it's glass.

Mum hesitated for a moment. I could tell she didn't want to tell me. But I would push her until she did.
She ran a hand through her dark hair and sighed again.
"It was Karen. She wanted to talk to you about the party and see how you were doing" she said and my heart skipped a beat.
I didn't understand why they were all interested in me again after a month. I made a mental note to ask them.
"Have you thought about the party?" Mum asked, but I couldn't respond. Our incredibly loud phone rang, making us both jump.

"Hello? Hiya...oh my gosh, well she might take some time to get ready but sure. We will meet you at the station and we'll all go for lunch?...yes...ok see you soon!" Mum said, her tone extremely eccentric.
"What's going on?" I asked rising cautiously from the table.
"We're going out" she smiled and my heart immediately started to beat faster. I had always been cautious about going out after the incident.
The photographers and journalists have calmed down a lot, but I was still cautious about them. I never went out for longer than I had to. Tess and Ryan understood that, and never made me stay out to where I was uncomfortable.
"Where are we going exactly?" I asked and mum smiled as she straightened out her dress.
"Karen is in London, and she wanted to see us. I said that we could go out for lunch"  mum explained and my heart beat faster.
Shawn's Mother would definitely get attention from journalists and paparazzi.
I couldn't deal with them all.
I would send me into a state of panic.

"I don't think it's a good idea. With all the attention and everything" I sighed and mum rolled her eyes.
"It's time to go out"
"I'll end up having an anxiety attack in the middle of lunch, I hope you'll be fine with that" I scoffed.
I ran up the stairs and groaned in a state of frustration.
I didn't want to go out. I wanted to stay in with my books in my fantasy worlds.
Lunch would just be painfully awkward.
Mum didn't say if Shawn was with Karen but I presumed that he was. And that made me all the more nervous.
I couldn't tell if I still had feelings for Shawn. I just presumed I didn't. That was the easier thing to do.
He certainly didn't have feelings for me. I knew that. I might have been fed up but I wasn't stupid or over my head anymore.
I had that knocked out of me very quickly.

I looked over my wardrobe over and over again. I couldn't decide wether to dress nice so I actually looked presentable for Shawn, or just go super casual as to not be noticed by anyone. I eventually decided to go in between the two.
I decided on a black denim dress with short sleeves, a boat neckline, and silver buttons going all the way down the front. It was tight around the middle and I was self conscious of my underweight frame.
The more I complained to mum about how I looked the more I got her lecture about how I was the only one who could change how I felt and that it was my own fault.
I don't think she really thought it was all my fault, she just didn't want to blame Shawn.

"Are you ready? Oh wow. I didn't think you'd be in a dress" Mum said smiling from the doorway.
"Would you rather me change?"
"No. Not at all. You just haven't worn anything like it in a month. You only wear leggings or joggers now" she sighed and I hung my head, suddenly feeling self conscious about the dress.
"Maybe I should change" I whispered, the anxiety didn't allow me to speak louder.
"No please don't. You look lovely" she said brushing her fingers through my hair, and I had to ignore the small clump that had come out in her hand, otherwise I would break down and wouldn't be able to leave my room for the day.
"It'll grow back. After everything is back to normal" Mum said holding me in her arms.
"I look like a monster" I said, letting a tear slip out.
"No you don't. You never have. You just look like a girl who's been through hell and back and survived" Mum smiled kissing my forehead.

The train journey wasn't as long as I had hoped.
Before long we were in London, a place I hadn't been since I came here for rehab. The station was bustling with people. I don't know how on Earth we would find Karen and Shawn in all of this chaos. Then again, Shawn was tall, and attractive, and wherever he was there was always a cluster of fans and cameras, so I didn't think he would be hard to find.
"Karen is by the entrance to the station" Mum shouted over the mass of voices and I nodded, folding my coat over my body.
I purposefully walked slower, but I blamed the fact I felt dizzy, an excuse I had come to use too often to get out of things.
Mum wrapped her arm around me and we walked to the entrance of the station. There were no cameras, no screaming fans.
Shawn must be in a disguise.

"Oh my goodness" I heard from behind us. I didn't need to turn to know who it was. "Hi, how are you?" She asked, and my stomach turned again.
"It's nice to see you but I do have to say something before anything else,"
"Oh god Faith" mum sighed. She knew what was coming. I said it to everyone who knew what happened.
"I really don't want to be spoken to like I'm some fragile child. I'm living with what I did and I'm surviving so please, please, don't speak to me like I'm a baby. " I sighed, my tone becoming softer at the end, and immediately, Karen nodded.
"It's lovely to see you up and out" She continued and I forced a smile.
"It's good to be out" lies.
"Shall we get some lunch?" Mum asked breaking the slight tension that had begun to form between us.

Lunch was simple. I thanked mum quietly for not choosing some fancy restaurant where I'd be looked at funny for getting my smoothie and meal replacement drink out of my bag and drinking them.
"I'm just going to the toilet. Don't pay without me" Mum said rubbing Karen's upper arm.
As soon as she walked away Karen's expression changed from fine, to not fine at all.
"You're not eating"
"I realised. I haven't been able to yet" I sighed and she nodded slowly. "And I know I look hideous so we don't need to discuss that" I said gently raking my fingers through my hair, and I was surprised when no bits fell out.
"I wasn't going to say you looked hideous. Not at all. You don't know how happy it makes me that you came out today" she said and I saw tears welling in her eyes.
"Please don't cry. I'm surviving" I said placing a hand on top of hers.
"Surviving isn't living Faith." She said and I took my hand back.
As she wiped her tears I could tell that people had started to gain an interest, and I felt the panic rising.
"Where's Shawn?" I asked, desperate to move on from the conversation.
"Oh, he, um, he's busy. Work, and things" she said before sipping on her water.
I could tell that she didn't want to tell me something, but I wasn't stupid. My heart had already told me what she meant by 'busy', 'work', and 'things'.