We Met On The Road To Recovery

4.

Shawn Mendes
I was happy.
Happier than I had been in my life before.
My music was hitting new record sales.
I was up for multiple awards.
I had a loving family.
And a beautiful girlfriend.
We had been dating for a month, and it had been amazing.
Fans were supportive and I couldn't be happier.

"How was your trip?" I asked as I hugged Mum tight. Mum sighed, but smiled widely.
"It was lovely" she smiled and I took her bag from her, putting it down on the table.
"Why did you go again?" I asked and I could sense her tense a little, and I could tell by the long pause that she didn't really want to tell me the whole truth.
"I was visiting some friends of ours" she smiled and I nodded, not wanting to push her further after the long flight she had.
I desperately wanted to ask but I knew I shouldn't. Mum knew that.
"So. How is she?" Mum grinned moving her eyebrows.
I smiled just at the thought of her.
Her brown hair, her shimmering eyes, that smile that sent me wild.
"She's good. She's amazing. Beautiful as always" I blushed and mum laughed lightly. "She's coming over for dinner if it's ok?" I asked feeling like a teenager again.
"Of course. I think we're just getting take out" mum smiled before walking upstairs, her duffel bag trailing on the floor behind her.

I sat patiently on the couch, waiting for the knock on the door, and when it came, it was music to my ears.
"Long time no see" I grinned as I took her into my arms.
"You saw me yesterday" she giggled and I smiled as I kissed her.
"I thought I heard you" Mum smiled bounding down the stairs. She looked more awake, as if she'd just been sleeping. With open arms she came towards us. "How are you Camila? Ok?" She asked.
"I'm good thank you. How was your trip to London?" Camila asked, her beautiful eyes lighting up with curiosity.
"It was good. It was nice to see our, friends" she sighed, the pause before friends making me more curious as to who she went to see.
"Who did you go and see?" I asked, not being able to hold the curiosity in any longer.
Mum paused, she looked around and I regretted asking her.
"It's not important"
"I want to know" I shrugged.
"I went to see Faith and her mother" she said and I couldn't stop the small gasp that fell from me.

She hadn't crossed my mind in a while.
I knew I broke my promise I made to her to keep checking in with her and stay in touch. That's why I couldn't speak to her now.
She would hate me.

"Oh. Is she, ok?" I asked not knowing what to say.
"No. No she isn't" Mum sighed rubbing her eyes. "I mean she's ok. But she doesn't like going out, she doesn't really talk anymore. Her anxiety is out of the roof" Mum explained and I nodded.
I hated thinking Faith wasn't the girl I knew anymore.
I hated thinking that I was a part of why she changed.
"Go on you two. Go do something before dinner" Mum said, filling the awkward silence that had washed over the room.

I nodded and took Camila's hand, and led her upstairs.
"Do you still think about her?" She asked as we stood in my old room.
"No. Not really. I feel bad about it" I sighed and she took my hands in hers.
"Shawn you can't take her all on your shoulders. You're a good man. And I'm sure she's ok. She always seemed strong" Camila smiled and I nodded.
"She was. Until the incident" I said and she nodded.
"Her bad days got a hold of her. Don't feel responsible for her" she said and again I nodded.
I pulled her into my arms and immediately felt my heart rate and my breathing slow down. She always kept me calm and reasonable. That's why I loved her.
She was the best thing for me, and I was lucky to have her at this point in my life. After everything that had happened in the last few months it was nice to be so calm and secure in my life.

"Would you ever want to see her again?" Camila asked as I held her.
I didn't know what to say.
Part of me would be open to seeing Faith again and talking to her. It would be so good to see her smile, at least one more time in person. She never posted on social media anymore. I didn't even think she went on it. All the pictures she posted of us two together were still on her Instagram. Either she didn't want them taken down, or she hadn't been on it.
My heart went with the latter.

Part of me didn't want to see her again. Seeing her not being the girl I fell in love with could break me all over again. I would go back to feeling guilty every day. I couldn't live properly. Seeing her, could re-ignite something in me. Something I wasn't sure I wanted re-igniting. Or maybe, I did.

"I'm not sure. If I did see her I wouldn't ignore her. But I guess, I wouldn't go out of my way to see her" I sighed, the words seemed to burn my mouth as I said them. It felt horrible to say and I didn't know why. She had most likely moved on. That's what I told myself to excuse not making an effort to see her. But it still felt wrong to me.
"That's understandable"
"I'm happy here. With you. That was all in the past" I smiled, trying to push her to the back of my mind. But even the thought of her was as stubborn as she was, and refused to leave my thoughts.
I knew.
I knew deep down inside me that I had to see her again.
Whether I wanted to see her again or not.
It was something that had to be done.