We Met On The Road To Recovery

27.

Shawn Mendes
I hadn't spoken to Faith for two days.
I tried calling her at least three times a day, but she always told me that she was too tired.
I got worried, but her small messages telling me that she was ok, and the updates from Fran made me feel slightly better.
I knew Fran always kept an eye on Faith, especially now with the news of her father, so I asked her to just send me little updates of Faith ever got upset so I could talk to her, make sure that she was ok.

As I got dressed I tried ringing her, and to my surprise this time she actually answered.
"Hey" she said with a groggy sounding voice.
"Hey. You picked up" I smiled.
"Yeah." She said simply.
"Everything ok today?" I asked.
"It's ok. I've just been sleeping a lot lately." She yawned.
I smiled to myself at the thought of her messy bed hair and her tired eyes.
"That's understandable. So I'm going out with Camila today. You're still ok with it right?" I asked.
"Of course. Where are you planning on going?" She asked.
"I'm not sure. A small cafe maybe?" I said.
"Should be nice then. I hope you have fun. I think I'm just going to practice my writing" she sighed.
"Ok. Well, can I talk to you later on when I'm back?" I asked and she paused for a moment before answering.
"Yeah. Sure. Talk later" she said.
"Bye"
I hung up the phone and held it tight in my hand.
I missed her.
It had barely been a week and I missed her so much.
Her touch, her hugs, the way she smiled, everything.
I missed everything about her.

But it wouldn't be fair to Camila to be out of it and mopey over our lunch.
I shook myself off and grabbed my car keys before leaving the house.
I drove to her house and smiled as she came bounding out.
"Long time no see" she said hugging me from the passengers seat.
"Yeah" I sighed and started driving again into the city.
"I thought we could go to that cafe, you know the one with all the plants" I smiled and she nodded in understanding, even after my extremely vague explanation.
We were silent all the way until we were seated at a table.

"So. We have a lot to talk about" she smiled.
"We do. And I know I owe you more of an explanation" I sighed but felt comforted as she brushed her hand over mine.
We sat there for a moment just looking at each other, taking each other in before I knew I had to speak.
"Look I'm sorry for everything. All the fuss and hassle" I said.
"I don't blame you for anything. I know that you have to follow your heart. I would have disliked it even more if you had carried on being with me without really wanting to and not told me" she smiled and I nodded.
She was right.
I had to just see that everything wasn't my fault.
It felt right and I couldn't deny that to anyone.

"Do you love her?" She asked and I met her eye.
My breath hitched in my throat as I contemplated for the right words to say. She never moved her eyes from mine which pressed me to answer even more.
"I don't know what to say" I said honestly.
"You either love her or you don't" she said but still I shrugged.
"I don't love her right now but I think I definitely could grow to love her in the near future" I said and Camila nodded in understanding.

All while we talked and had lunch I couldn't stop thinking about that one question.
I pondered in my mind whether I loved her or not.
One thing holding me back from saying I did was that I didn't know if she loved me.
How does she feel about us?
Would she even want to be together again after what's happened in the past?
All these questions sent my mind into a whirlwind and I knew that I would have to talk to her about each and every question.
No matter what, I had to know.