We Met On The Road To Recovery

18.

Shawn Mendes
"Just call her for Christs sake!" Aaliyah said, rolling her eyes. "You keep looking at your phone so much. Just make the first move and call!" She said before turning back to her phone.
"It's not that easy" I sighed and again she rolled her eyes.
We were having lunch together, while I was home.
I felt bad for Aaliyah. All I could truly focus on was calling Faith and talking to her.
I had left it for two days like mum had said and I couldn't wait any longer.
I would drive myself mad if I waited any longer.
"Do you love her?" Aaliyah asked out of the blue.
"Camila?" I asked and she put her phone away.
"No. Faith. Do you love her?" She asked again and I held my breath for a moment.
"I don't know"
"Not an answer. Either you do or you don't" she shrugged and I knew that she was right.
I had to make up my mind.
"Part of me loves her. I love her for who she is and the way she was around me before I fucked everything up. I love the way she blushes and smiles, I love the way she sings to herself, I love the way she hugs me and just snuggles into me. But, I just don't want to hurt her anymore" I sighed and Aaliyah raised an eyebrow at me.

There was a moments silence before I realised what I had said.
I covered my mouth slowly with my hand and she put a hand on top of my free hand.
I didn't realise all of what I had said.
She did.
"You need to call her. You need to call both of them" she said and I frowned. "You can't drag Camila on if you're in love with someone else" she sighed.
"I'm not in love with anyone else. I want to be with Camila" I sighed.
"Doesn't sounds like it." She said and I ran both my hands through my hair.
"I'm just going through a lot" I sighed.
"Stop beating around the bush. You want to be with Faith. You always have. Don't worry about the papers and Andrew, they'll come around in the end. You love her Shawn. And you know that. It's just hidden by denial" she said and I hung my head.
"I really have to call them dont I?" I sighed and she nodded.
"Call Faith first to see where her head is at. Then Camila. You have to" Aaliyah said and I was glad I had such a wise little sister.

She took my phone and unlocked it, and before I could protest, she had already pressed the call button.
She put it on speaker.
"It's ringing" I whispered and Aaliyah laughed.
"Hello?" I heard her voice say and I noted that she sounded more croaky than normal.
"Can we talk?"

Faith Elizabeth
"I understand this week has been hard for you." Teresa said and I sighed putting my head in my hands.
"So hard" I sighed.
"What shall we discuss first?" She asked and I shrugged, "Ben?" She said and just on hearing his name I wanted to break down and cry. I shrugged again and wiped the stray tears from my face.
"It must be hard for you" she sighed and I scoffed at her.
"Hard? Hard? It's horrible. Every day I think about him. I blame myself every day. If I had stayed or gone to visit him he perhaps wouldn't have done this" I cried and she nodded.
"You've probably heard this before but you can't blame yourself for what he did. It was his choice. Do you know if he wrote you a letter?" She asked and I shook my head.
"I don't know. Even if he did I don't know if I would read it. It would break my heart" I sniffed and she nodded.
"Am I right in thinking you're going to visit the clinic? And you're going to speak at his funeral?" She asked and I nodded. "That's a good thing?"
"I still don't know what to write for the speech. I hardly knew him" I sighed.
"Then talk about the time you did spend with him. What you remember, all the good times, any stories or jokes you guys shared" she said and I nodded.
"Ok" I sighed.

As my phone started ringing my whole body jumped.
"Who is it?" She asked and I shrugged as I took my phone out of my pocket.
"Christ" I sighed and Teresa furrowed her eyebrows.
"Who is it?"
"It's Shawn."
"Well we're basically out of time so answer it. I don't mind. I'll go and faff" she smiled, standing up from her chair.
I took a deep breath and pressed the accept call button.
"Hello?" I said and cringed at the fact that my voice sounded croaky.
"Can we talk?" Shawn said and I gasped slightly.
I wasn't prepared.
But I had to talk to him.
If we were going to get anywhere I had to talk to him.
"Of course we can"