We Met On The Road To Recovery

10.

Shawn Mendes
The party was great. I had an amazing time with everyone there by my side. I felt free.
"Did you have a nice time tonight?" Camila asked as we got dressed into more relaxed wear.
"It was really nice. Are you ok?" I asked as she slumped down onto our shared bed.
"I'm ok. Just thinking about what she said to me. That's all" she sighed and I nodded, imagining it was hard to hear.
"You can't dwell on it"
"I know but I should have just stopped talking. I shouldn't have brought it up at all" she sighed and I pulled her into me.
"You were being nice." I said kissing her shoulder.
"She didn't obviously see it as nice. I didn't intentionally mean to make her upset. I just said that we are happy and she started talking about how I have all she ever wanted, and then she snapped when I said that you have feelings for her" she explained and it took my mind a moment to register what she had said.
"Wait what? You told her that I have feelings for her? I don't. Why would you think that?" I asked bewildered.
"Because you do. I know you do. Even if they're only small feelings they're still there. Whenever she's mentioned something in you changes." She said and I stubbornly shook my head at her words.
"I don't have feelings for her. I haven't even thought about her until this week" I said as she crawled into the sheets.
"No matter how many times you say it Shawn, I'm still one hundred percent sure that there's feelings still there. Even if you don't realise it yet" she sighed, turning onto her side and closing her eyes.

Two hours had gone past and I still couldn't sleep. I had tossed and turned and tried and tried but I still couldn't sleep. I didn't even feel tired.
Faith just kept running in my head over and over and I knew I wasn't going to rest properly until I spoke to her.
I wondered if she was awake.
I saw that it was four in the morning but still decided to try her.
I just had to see her. I had to talk to her.
And so I texted her, waiting for a response. When she finally responded I slid gently out of bed, and took a second to look at Camila asleep in bed. Something screamed at me again to just stay with her. But I couldn't, and so I slipped out of the room.

Faith Elizabeth
The party wasn't a disaster.
Once Shawn said what he did people started to warm to me more.
It was nice to see Aaliyah again, and Andrew, although I did get the feeling that Andrew had no idea how to talk to me.
Everyone avoided the "what happened to you?" question and "how are you feeling about...?" questions.
The dress was going down a treat with everyone, and I almost felt pretty.
I avoided Camila and Shawn for the rest of the evening, too scared to hear what they would say about what happened.
But I knew I couldn't avoid him forever.

'I can't sleep. Can you meet me somewhere?'
It was from him.
He wanted to see me.
I looked over at my watch and saw that it was four in the morning.
I hadn't slept once.
I was surprised at the fact that he still had my number. I was certain that he would have deleted it after all this time.
'Is that really a good idea?' I asked, knowing it probably wasn't a good idea.
'I really can't sleep without talking to you'
I took a second to gather my thoughts, and when I saw that mum was fast asleep I sighed and text him back.
'Ok'
'Meet me on the top floor next to the elevators' shawn said and I took a deep breath before slipping out of the room and into the hallway.

It was cold and I regretted not wearing a long sleeved top.
I crossed my arms trying to retain some heat as I rode up in the elevator and had to calm my breathing as the bell went off, signalling that I was at my floor.
As the doors slid open I saw that Shawn was already here.
He stood in sweatpants and a jumper and smiled when he saw me.
"Hi"
"Hello"
"Follow me" he said and led me to a fire escape.
There was a long set of stairs and I already knew that it would lead to the roof.
It was beautiful. The lights still shone in the city, the occasional lonely car driving along the road.
A round of sofas were placed on the roof and Shawn plopped himself down onto one of them. I chose to sit opposite him on another sofa.
"You're probably wanting to ask me questions" I said to break the ice.
He nodded quickly and I sighed.
I hated questions.
"Go ahead"
"Well, how have you been?" He asked and I shrugged.
"Shit. I don't go out. I don't go to school. I don't see anyone. I'm on a vast amount of medication. I have quite severe anxiety and can't eat in front of people. I hate therapy and yet I have to go every week or they'll send me back into rehab" I blabbed and Shawn looked taken back. "Sorry"
"Don't be." He said before the atmosphere turned awkward.
"I have to ask Shawn, why did you not contact me after you came to see me get released? I was so excited that we could give it another go and just start all over and then, nothing. Why?" I asked.
I feared the answer more than anything.
"I don't know. I can't give you a solid answer because I really don't know why." He sighed.
"Was it Camila?" I asked.
"Partially. I didn't want her to think that there was anything between us. I think that's why this has been hard on her tonight." He said and I tried to stay strong.
"Oh."

"This reminds me of our first kiss" Shawn said and I gasped lightly.
"You remember?" I asked and he nodded, almost looking hurt.
"Of course I remember. Did you think I would forget?"
"I assumed you would forget. I hoped you would forget what happened." I sighed and Shawn shook his head.
"I'll never forget. Ever. I don't understand how you think I would forget the fact that you died in my arms. How could I forget that? I loved you so much" he said and I could see that the tears in his eyes matched mine.
I couldn't hold mine back like he could. I let them fall freely and had to restrain myself from sobbing.
"Shit I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that" he said and came over to sit beside me. He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly.
Even that made me anxious and emotional. Just the feeling of his hand in mine was bliss. A bliss that he wouldn't understand.