We Met On The Road To Recovery

24.

Shawn Mendes
I tried to concentrate on her and the moment. But the thought that I was going to have to leave her kept entering my mind.
"What's going on up there?" She smiled and brushed my hair off my forehead.
"I just don't want to leave you" I sighed and I saw her face drop.
"I don't want you to go either. But I understand that you have to" she sighed and I smiled sadly at her saddened tone.
"Come with me?" I asked and she smiled as I took her hand in mine.
"You know I can't" she smiled and she was right.
I did already know.
And yet I had to ask. I had to take the chance. The thought of leaving her was just horrible. I felt like if I left I would just be abandoning her all over again. Something I swore I would never do.
"Shawn look at me" she said and rubbed her thumb over my cheek.
I didn't realise the tears flowing down my cheeks.
I moved my eye line to meet hers and she had a gentle look in her sparkling eyes.
"Shawn, I know that this isn't you leaving for good. I know that. I trust you" she said holding my face in her hand.
"I'm just so scared that I'll get caught up again" I cried and yet she simply shook her head at what I was saying.
"You won't. I know you won't. I trust you. Just a two minute phone call once a day would be enough for me" she smiled and I nodded, " I understand now that your work is stressful. I know that you have to focus on your work and I love that you're so dedicated. You're a good man Shawn" she said and it made me cry harder.

"How can you say that?" I cried softly as she removed her hand from my face.
"How can I say what? Did I say something wrong?" She asked in a panic and I quickly grabbed her hand.
"No no. God no. I just don't understand how you can still see me as a good man after everything that I've done to you. The tears and the pain I've caused." I sniffed and she sighed loudly.
"It's been a hard ride. It has. And you did hurt me. But I'm getting better now. Im learning how to be stronger and how to cope." She explained and squeezed my hand gently.
I wiped away the last of my tears with my other hand.
"You shouldn't have to be in therapy. It's all my fault" I said and she crawled round to hug me from behind.
She wrapped her arms around me and placed her chin on my shoulder.
I closed my eyes and rest my hands on top of hers. I leaned my head back until it was rest upon her.

"You've been through so much and I'm so sorry for that. You didn't deserve any of it." I sighed. "Me being a dick, Ben, your health" I said and I felt her tense up on hearing Ben's name.
"He didn't deserve it either. No one deserves it Shawn. But it happens. It happens every day to some." She said and I nodded. "And it gets the better of some, like it did with Ben. But I'm getting through it. I'm trying my best to push past it"
I kissed her hand gently.
"I'm so proud of you. And I'm going to be here every step of the way. No matter what I'll support you. I'll cancel everything for you" I said and I felt her smile before she kissed my neck.

She came to sit back down opposite me and I furrowed my eyebrows as she folded her hands in her lap.
"What?" I asked as she looked at me suspiciously.
"Can we talk about what happened with Camila?" She asked and my heart dropped.
"I've already told you"
"You've told me a tiny piece of a probably very large puzzle" she said and I sighed.
"We had a good relationship. It was fun and people loved it. I loved her. Still do in a best friend kind of way. But there was always this nagging. Then you came to my party and my mum came to see you and she would talk about you and I realised that I love her in a friends way. But you, you just drew my heart back in and I can't get enough of you"
"But, I'm broken" she said with a small smile.
"You're perfect to me"