We Met On The Road To Recovery

5.

Faith Elizabeth
"I've been invited to go to America in a week for Shawn's birthday" I told my therapist.
She smiled and crossed her thin legs slowly. She put her notebook and her pen on the floor and seemingly forgot about writing. It felt nice not to see her writing about me while I spoke. It made me feel more normal.
"How do you feel about going? Are you scared?" She asked and I couldn't help but let out a little laugh.
"Of course I'm scared" I whispered, biting the skin around my fingernails. "I'm scared of being out. I'm scared of seeing Shawn again."
"Why are you scared of Shawn?"
"He hasn't spoken to me in a month. I just wonder if he's changed." I sighed.
"And what if he has?" She asked, and just thinking about it made my stomach turn.

What if he has changed?
What if he just doesn't remember?
Would he want to talk to me?
Does he have someone new?

"I don't know. I just assume he has. I'm sure I'll be fine." I sighed, not believing I'd be fine at all.
"Well I'm not going to stop you am I?" Teresa smiled and I shrugged.
The session ended and all I could think about was how I wanted to crawl up in bed and watch Netflix. 
But alas, my mother wouldn't allow me to do so.
She kept talking to me about what I was going to take with me, how I was going to prepare myself, what I was going to say to him.
And I didn't know.
I was just taking it as it came.
I tried not to think about it much. If I did I would get in a panic. I was worried about the amount of people. Shawn knew everyone and anyone. The whole world could be there for all I knew.
I just couldn't get my mind off all the questions I could be asked by people I didn't know.
I didn't do well with questions.
"You know there's going to be a lot of people there, and cameras, I just want to know that you're going to be ok" mum said rubbing her forehead with her hand.
I shrugged, "I don't know if I'm going to be ok. I just have to do it"
"But do you have a coping plan just in case you're not ok?" She asked.
"I'll just go back to the hotel" I shrugged and after a while, Mum nodded.
"I hope it goes ok" she sighed and I rolled my eyes before running upstairs.

"Hello my gorgeous girl" Ryan laughed down the phone.
It was always so comforting to hear his voice.
"Hey Ryan. I miss you" I said and I heard him laugh again. "What's so funny?"
"I have a surprise for you" he said and by his voice I could tell that he was grinning.
"What is it?" I asked, not liking the mysterious thought of a surprise I knew nothing about. And with Ryan, it could be absolutely anything you could think of.
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" He said mysteriously and I felt my hands sweat a little.
"I guess not. But you know I don't like surprises" I said bitting my bottom lip.
"Yeah yeah. I gotta go I'll see you shortly" he rushed before hanging up the phone.

Francesca Elizabeth
(If I have previously called Faiths mother something else please let me know as I can't remember for the life of me)
"Karen? Is everything ok?" I asked into the phone.
"I'm sorry I never told you Fran. But it's eating away at me. I have to tell you" Karen sighed, making my heart rate increase and my hands sweat.
"What's going on?"
"Shawn has a girlfriend." She sighed and I joined her in her sighing.
"Aw that's lovely for him" I said only half happy.
"I should have told you I know." She said.
"No no it's ok. You shouldn't have to." I said and a knock came at the door. "Oh I'm sorry Karen I've got to go"
"That's ok. Sorry again"
Faith was going to be crushed.
I didn't know how she was going to handle the fact that Shawn had a new girlfriend. After all, I could see that she still had feelings for him.

I ran over to the door and opened it.
"Ryan! Oh my god! Does Faith know you're here?" I asked hugging my daughters best friend.
"No. I'm surprising her" he smiled.
"Ryan I have to tell you, Faith doesn't go on any social media anymore and I'm sure that it's been rumoured that Shawn has a girlfriend. Faith doesn't know. She can't know." I explained and he nodded.
"I guessed as far. I won't talk to her about it. I promise" he smiled before disappearing up the stairs.

Faith Elizabeth
"Ryan!" I laughed hugging him tight. I couldn't believe he was here.
"I know. I'm amazing. How are you?" He asked, sitting beside me on my bed.
"I'm ok. I'm getting there slowly" I sighed and Ryan took my hand in his.
"You're going to get there. I know it. You just have to be strong" he smiled and wrapped his arms around me.
"I know. Anyways, how's University?" I asked, wanting to hear all about what it was like to be a normal teenager.
"Well. It's amazing. It's so nice spending everyday learning what you want to learn. But there's also freedom and parties. It's great" he rambled and I nodded, waves of sadness crashing over my heart. "Oh I'm sorry Faith. I didn't mean to-"
"No no. I like hearing about it. Gives me something to hope for and think about" I smiled and he rubbed my arm.
"How are you feeling about Shawn and his party?" Ryan asked and I shrugged.
"I haven't spoken to him. But I do miss him I can't lie to you" I sighed.

"Then why don't you message him?"
"What?! No I couldn't do that"
"Why?"
"Well what if he's changed his number? What If he ignores me what if-"
"I've written the message but you need to press send" Ryan smiled holding out my phone, revealing the message he had written to Shawn.

'Hey Shawn it's Faith. I was wondering if we could talk sometime? x'

"No Ryan. I can't. I don't want to" I said, the sweat now gathering noticeably on my hands.
"Yes you do. Send it or I'll send it for you." He threatened.
"Ryan"
"It's sent"