We Met On The Road To Recovery

3.

Faith Elizabeth
"Have you thought about coming to New York for Shawn's birthday?" Karen asked as we sat in a small cafe.
I sipped on my tea trying to avoid having to answer the question. But I knew I couldn't avoid it forever.
Shawn's birthday had been going back and forward in my mind ever since I had heard about it. And I still hadn't come to a conclusion about it.
"I have" I said bluntly and Mum sighed from beside me. "I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm still thinking"
"What's holding you back?" Karen asked and I looked into my tea cup, not wanting to meet her eye.
"If its a surprise party then he might not even want me there. Secondly, I'm not much of a party person, lastly, I don't understand why I've become all interesting to you after you've gone a month without talking to me" I shrugged and Mum shook her head but didn't say anything.
Karen also looked down at her drink. Her eyes flickering everywhere.
"I always think about you you know. Always. I was just never sure if you would want to talk to me. And I didn't want me talking to you to mess up your programs or routines" she sighed.
"You wouldn't have" I sighed.
"Shawn has just been really busy at the moment with the new song and awards shows and,"
"And?" I pushed.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter. But I'm sure it would be so nice for you two to see each other again and just talk" she said and I had to not as to not make it tense.

I didn't want to fly to New York. I hated flying. And it's not like i could just go home if things went bad at the party. I had to stay. I hated the thought of everyone there knowing who I was and what I did.
But I wanted to be there for Shawn. He was there so much for me and I knew I should return the favour.
Would I have to get him a present? It would probably be best if I didn't. Nothing I could afford would ever match up to what his celebrity friends could get him.
It would just look ridiculous.

When we got home I was still pondering the party in my head. It was eating away at my mind so much I couldn't focus on my tv show, or my books.
I picked up my phone and dialled the only person I knew would be able to help me.
"Hola weirdo" Ryan's singsong voice said and I couldn't help but smile.

If anyone else had called me that I would be offended and upset to the point of no return. Ryan never spoke to me like I was a child. He just spoke to me as a friend. As if nothing had changed.

"Hi Ryan"
"What's up?" He asked.
"Shawn's birthday is coming up soon and Karen, his mother, has invited me to fly to New York for this surprise party they're throwing for him." I explained.
"And you don't know whether to go or not?" He clarified and I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.
"Yes. Exactly" I sighed.
"Go" he said simply and I sat up straight in bed.
"What? It's not that simple Ryan there's, there has to be, well there's things to think about." I sighed rubbing my hand against my forehead.
This was typically Ryan though. He never weighed up positives and negatives. He just went for the most exciting option. I loved him for it. It used to always end good and I would always have a great time once we were out. But now, now I wasn't so sure.
"Stop thinking about it. Just do it. It's for Shawn. You love him"
"I don't love Shawn." I said quickly.
"You did once upon a time. And you never know, you might rekindle some feelings for each other" Ryan said and the idea sent a shiver up my spine.
"I can't. Not again" I whispered.
"Then go for yourself. Go and have a good time. Hell, go have a drink" Ryan laughed and I let out a little laugh myself.
"I'm not allowed. Remember?" I smiled and I heard him grunt.
"Yeah yeah rules rules. I say go. Just have a good time. Let me know what you decide" he sighed.
"I will. Thank you Ryan" I smiled.
"No problem. You're lucky I love you" he said and I knew from his tone that he was smiling.
I hung up with a smile on my face. Ryan always knew how to ground me.
I knew what to do.
I knew what I had to do.

I ran downstairs to Mum, who was sat typing away at her computer at the kitchen table.
"Mum. I've made up my mind about the party" I said, playing with the sleeves of my jumper.
"I already know"
"That I want to go?" I said and mum quickly removed her glasses from her face.
"You want to go?" She asked and I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I talked to Ryan. He thinks it would be good for me to do something like this. To feel more me again I guess." I explained and a smile spread across her face.
"God I love that boy." She laughed. "Never loose him"
"I won't. So, are we good to go?" I asked and she took one of my hands in hers and rubbed the back of it.
"Of course we are. I'm so excited! Are you?" She beamed.
"I think it'll definitely be an adventure to say the least" I smiled and mum stroked my face.
"I'm so proud of you darling" she said and I nodded before returning to the safety of my bedroom.

I had agreed.
There was no backing out now.
I was excited to see Shawn and see how he was doing.
I just hoped everything went smoothly.
Then again, with me and Shawn, nothing ever goes smoothly.