The Return of the Dragons

Part 36 Pain and Resolve - Astrid POV

I have wake up with the sun in my face. It must be somewhere around ten because the sun is blasting through my window. I look to the side. Hiccup's gone. He must be up already.

But now I remember. He's gone. He went to look for the kids... without me. He shouted at me and told me I couldn't do it.

How could he? Can't he see I've been shattered? Can't he see I need a balm for this pain that rips at my heart? Can't he see I need to get out of this monotony? Every day there is nothing for me but sadness and mourning.

I look down at my belly. It's perfectly flat. Not like it should be! It should be huge with the child in it. My little Sieglinde should still be there growing and getting ready to be born at full term. But she's not. She's at the bottom of the ocean swirling around in a pile of ashes to be buried with fish excrement and decaying dead creatures.

My children should not be gone but they should be up and around the house, Nuffink examining his wooden sword and Zephyr writing and sketching in her dragon journal. But they're not. They're who knows where in the archipelago in terrible danger of wicked men that want them dead, or they have joined their sister at the bottom of the ocean.

Hiccup should not be gone but should be by my side with his arms wrapped around me nuzzling me with his scruffy face. But he's not. He's off angry somewhere, searching the archipelago alone for our children... Without me.

I shouldn't be here at Valka's house encroaching on her space but I should be at my home... MY home, where Hiccup and I began our lives together, where our children were born, where so many sweet memories were made. I should be home. But I'm not. My home burned to the ground some time ago and all those memories lie in a pile of ashes.

This grief I feel is bottled up. I can't cry anymore, I can't wail, I can't sob. I have got to go somewhere.

I get up out of bed for the first time in a long time. I pull on my tunic and my skirt which both fit perfectly. I cover my mouth trying to keep a sob from escaping. I put on my chieftess cape and ti the leather straps around my wrists. I slip my feet into my boots and pull my hair into two braids with some wavy strands hanging out around the band on my forehead.

I look at myself in the mirror. I have not looked so collected in a long time. I haven't been dressed with my hair done and with my chieftess cape on in a long time. But that is all about to change.

I dry my eyes to look presentable... At least for the moment and I op n the bedroom door. I see Valka in the kitchen cleaning up and I try not to attract her attention but to no avail.

"Astrid! Oh darling you're up! Here have some breakfast! It's still hot."

"No Mom, I'm not hungry right now." I say. "I just... I just need to be alone."

She looks at me understandingly. "All right. But it's here for you when you want it."

I smile faintly and I give my mother in law a quick kiss on the cheek before I dash out the door. I am completely disinterested in everything going on around me as my heart yearns for solitude. I run through the square, I run past the forge where Gobber tries unsuccessfully to get my attention. I weave through the mass of huts on the outskirts never stopping not even for a breath. I run through the trees brushing past branches and throwing them out of my way.

I come to the very cliff side where we said goodbye to our dragons. I run to the edge and fall down on my knees. With everything I have in me I scream at the top of my lungs. "AHHHHHHHHHH." I shout making fists at the air. I fall forward onto my palms and start sobbing. I feel so relieved to be able to cry hard. I haven't been able to in a long time and it has just been welling up inside.

I put my face to my palm. I wish someone would understand. Every one has moved on it seems... Even Hiccup. No one understands me now. It's times like these I miss my good girl Stormfly.

I look up. The sun is slowly climbing in the sky as it gets later in the day. The ocean glows crystal blue in the rays of the sun and is sorted with a hundred black spots like ships all zeroing in on New Berk.

A HUNDRED SHIPS ZEROING IN ON NEW BERK????