Meet Me Under The Mistletoe {BxB}

Chapter 34

Correy Smith

It was that time of the month. You know... the one where I went banshee on everyone, locked myself up in my room and made myself relive a certain incident that happened three years ago.

I was curled up in my  bed  as I stared up at the ceiling. My body was covered in cotton pajamas and a duvet sat on top of me.

It was the twenty fifth day of the month, the time being four in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep and I wouldn't be getting any sleep today. I was already tired, but as usual my body decided not to cooperate. I wouldn't even be able to get to the bathroom without breaking down. All because of certain events that took place on the same date, three years ago.

I felt tears sting my eyes, threatening to spill just at the mere thought of it. I thought therapy would help me forget, make me normal  again. Seems like I was wrong.

I sighed, sitting up and leaning on the head board of my bed. My room was neat, nothing lying on the floor. I had made sure to organize everything before I went to bed the previous night, knowing that when today came, I would be overly insensitive and peachy.

My eyes landed on my bedside drawer, an urge to pour out the contents in it growing with every second. I knew that whatever was in there would make me a crying mess and right now I was too weak to even cry.

It's like my body stopped functioning as my mind worked on tormenting me to torture.

The more I stared at the drawer, the more the urge to open it grew. I limply reached for the lump, switching it on to illuminate the room. How I wish that my mind would be like the lump, shutting off the negative thoughts and switching on the positive ones whenever I wanted to. But those were just wishes and this... this was reality. One that I couldn't escape from no matter how much I wanted to.

I reached for my phone, punching in my password before going to the gallery section.

Liam.

Countless photos of him either alone or with me, popped up. I clicked on the recent ones which were taken four days ago. We had had a cute ice cream date and he had insisted we capture the moment with our phone cameras. I wasn't a huge fan of pictures but with Liam, things changed. I found myself angling my phone every now and then to take a photo of us during the date. I had even set one as my lock screen but then my insecurities got the better part of me, making me undo the action as fast as I had done it.

I felt tears stream down my face just thinking about what Liam saw in me. I was messed up, insecure, really scrawny... I had even managed to drive my own mother  to her grave.

I had killed her in some way.

I really had.

I shouldn't have been happy, while she lay rotting, six feet under. I hadn't even visited her ever since she was buried. I couldn't do it, knowing that what I had  done, killed her.

My shoulders shook as more sobs chocked my throat, my phone long forgotten. I cried for minutes, hours even, but even crying couldn't change a thing.

The crying took a toll on me, making me slip into a restless sleep, my eyes red and puffy and a running nose.

^^^^^^^^^^

I had distanced myself from everyone after my 'episode'.

Liam had surprisingly not called me on that day but the following day, I had been woken up by several missed calls. He kept calling the entire time and I had no choice but to switch my phone off.

I hadn't been to school and this was perfectly normal, the 'episodes' were always accompanied by some type of disease. Last time, I had caught flu making me stay home for a full week till I recovered. This time, my body was extremely weak and our family doctor said that I should rest for two days.

I hadn't done much the past two days until today. It was currently on Thursday and I had to go to school. I decided to leave my phone at home. I didn't want Liam thinking that I had been ignoring him even if I had been.

Confusing. Right?

I managed to avoid him for the first two periods at school. I was walking to my third one when he cornered me, a hard gaze resting on his face. He stood in the same position until the hallways were almost empty.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly after sometime.

I was about to say 'nothing' but he knew me too well and he hardened his gaze, as if that was possible. I sighed. I didn't want to lie to him but at the same time, I wasn't ready to tell him the truth about me being triggered by a certain date. So I just hugged him, hoping that somehow he would understand me, and he did. He hugged me back.

"How about we have lunch together later on?" He asked, withdrawing his arms. I managed a nod. He walked me to my next class, pecking my cheek before heading off to his.

I certainly didn't deserve him but I was too selfish to let him go.