New Beginning

CHAPTER FIVE

After last night I went and stayed at Naomi's house. Danny agreed he would take the kids to school tomorrow and tell them I was sick. I haven't spoke to him since that arrangement and I didn't want to. I know for a fact I drank too much of Naomi's wine last night because I woke up feeling like shit. I remembered I had a session this afternoon with Chris so I mauled my ass out of bed and got myself together. Naomi was already gone to work so I locked all the doors in her apartment before I went home.

The first thing I did  was got in the shower and cried again. Still feeling like this wasn't the first time I've gotten my heart broke by this man. I never understood the point of cheating and I hated how it made me question myself as a woman. Was it me? What was I doing wrong? After my long pity party I headed out and to the gym.

"Good morning Mrs. Williams good to see you back," Josh greeted me as I walked in. I only smiled because I didn't even want to be called Mrs. Williams, more like Mrs. Dumb Ass.

"No offense but you're looking a little dead this morning," Chris observed as I walked in.

"Good morning to you too," I replied dryly without even acknowledging the comment he made. "Can we just get started?" Chris must had got my vibe as he walked across from me and got in position to start stretching.

"Try to relax love or your muscles are going to be stiff from stretching," he warned. I breathed in deeply, trying to ignore him. I knew he was doing his job and just trying to help but I didn't need that right now. We continued to stretch in silence. I'm sure he was feeling awkward since the vibe was completely different from our last session.

"Alright you ready to get these laps in," he asked. I nodded and we headed out towards the track. I started off before Chris could even count us out. "Loving the aggressive approach today." He said jogging with me. I nodded again and placed my earphones in to show him I wasn't in the mood to talk. He nodded to himself and said nothing else after that.

I took a large drink out of my water bottle after finishing our laps up. Sweat was dripping down my body from the hot sun. Once we went back in the gym I was ready to start on my squats I didn't even notice Chris in the corner just staring at me with his arms crossed.

"What are you doing? I'm not paying you to just stare at me."

"No you're not but this is my gym and I like to keep the vibes in here positive so we can sit here and talk about what's going on with you today or you can get it together."

"Excuse you? I don't care if I'm here being the biggest bitch in town. You need to focus on the job that pays you."

"I'm not phased by your demeanor sweetheart. So let me guess, you have some men problems going on correct," he asked. I looked up at him with shock all over my face.

"You're rude as hell. I'm gone," I said walking off.

"If that's what it is Raya, you shouldn't allow a man to kill your spirit like that because the woman I met yesterday was full of life, funny, intelligent, and not just beautiful in outer appearances. I recognized that in hours worth of time so if he can't see that at all maybe he wasn't worth your time to begin with," he called before I left out the door completely. When I got to the car the words he said to me replayed over and over again. That's probably the sweetest thing a man has ever told me. I only left because I was speechless and for the first time I didn't have a response. I couldn't help to wonder if Danny has ever felt that way about me at least once in our marriage. Did he ever notice those traits about me or was I just a trophy piece that he liked to flaunt around and spend money on?

**

I thought it was best for the twins to stay with Danny's parents for the rest of the week because I just didn't want to be home now. I didn't want to pretend to be happy with Danny in front of the kids and I damn sure didn't want to share a bed with him tonight. I was so glad Della didn't question my abrupt request of her watching the twins this week. I knew she loved her grandchildren so much that it wouldn't be a problem to begin with. 

I was now back at Naomi's place waiting for her to cook while watching tv. She didn't mind me staying here for the rest of the week so I didn't hesitate to bring enough stuff to last me these next few days.

"Okay so let me get this straight, he said all of this to you and your ass just left," Naomi asked from the kitchen. I filled her in with everything that's happened from Danny's ass to my time with Chris.

"What else I was going to do," I asked.

"Uhh I don't know jump on his ass? Ride him on the exercise balls? Kiss him? There's a lot of options I could think of right now," she replied in a matter of fact tone. I laughed shaking my head while walking in the kitchen with her and sitting at the island.

"Girl I was not going to do all of that. That man could've just been being nice to me, doesn't mean he wants me okay? And I was so mean to him I couldn't even look at him. I feel so bad now."

"If you would just let Danny ass go like I been preaching to you since I met you, you wouldn't be mad at the wrong people because you got all that bitterness and hate in your heart. That shit is no good for your health anyways."

"Naomi I don't need that speech," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah you do. You keep letting this man do the same shit to you in different ways and at the end of the day you're the one who ends up hurt. At this point it's not even him hurting you anymore. It's YOU hurting YOU. He's showed you the type of man he is time and time again, you're choosing to stay so this hurt is yours to carry because you can't let go of the very thing that's destroying you."

"Sister, he's all I know and he's the father of my kids," I sighed feeling helpless.

"Raya, how long are you going to sit here and hold on to that tired ass line? If he's all you know then it's about time you know learn something new. You ever tried learning yourself for a change?  Another thing, I'm going to ask is are you really telling me  you're okay with being miserable for another lifetime because he helped you create your children? You have a young woman and young man. What will you teach them? You want your daughter to be you? Allowing a man to continue to mistreat her? You want your son to think it's okay to hurt a woman that would do anything for him? No! Teach them to understand sometimes love is not always enough and that's okay. It's your life story and for the things you can control decide on how you would want your story to be written."

Naomi was always preaching some real shit to me and I appreciate her so much. I know she will never lie or sugar coat anything and whatever decisions I made she always had my back even if she hated it.

"I'm not going to preach to you any longer, but I do think you should talk to Chris again and apologize for being a bitch. You gave him a hard time for nothing," she finished. 

I sighed deeply while watching her turn the stove off. "You're right boo. I'm going to go up there tomorrow and talk to him."

"Good. Now, let's eat and finish watching On My Block." She slid a plate over to me with a smile. I couldn't be anymore grateful for my friend.