New Beginning

CHAPTER FIFTY NINE

RAYA
I laid next to Chris still feeling as guilty as I felt last night. I tossed and turned thinking about everything that happened, but I just couldn't bring myself to bring the subject up. He was so upset about the flooding in his gym that I didn't want to add any more fuel to the fire. He needed peace and me revealing that would be far from it. He rolled over in the bed pulling me in closer to him while making me sigh in sadness. I don't know why I was making this so hard. It wasn't even my fault. I never had any intention to kiss Danny. I guess what's bothering me is the fact that I hesitated on stopping him. Why did I hesitate? That's what I can't seem to understand.
"Thank you for staying here with me for the night. It's nice having you here right now," Chris whispered in my shoulder.
"You know I'm here for you baby," I told him. "It's going to be alright, you know that right? Everything is going to work out. Watch."
"Okay. I believe you. You wouldn't tell me anything wrong", he kissed my shoulder as he cuddled into me more. I wanted to cry because Lord knows he was too good for me. I don't want to ever lose him especially not to my past. Danny is my ex husband for a reason. Raya don't fuck this up.
"I gotta use the bathroom bae let me go right quick," I said softly.  He held me tighter.
"Hold it," he refused. I chuckled. Such a big baby.
"Boy let me go before I pee in this bed."
"We'll change the sheets."
"Ewwww, Chris let me the fuck go," I laughed no longer speaking in my morning voice. I unwrapped his arms from my waist so I could finally raise up. I put on my slippers and robe, tipping away from the bed. He rolled over groaning.
"Ughhhh,now it's cold. Hurry your ass up."
"I am. Damn nigga."
I took a look at my phone as I handled my business. I noticed I had damn near a million calls from Danny and I couldn't believe his ass had the audacity to even contact me after that bullshit he pulled last night. He left me a voicemail, I pondered if I should listen to it or not. I decided to do so, given the fact it could be an emergency.
"Raya I know you hate me right now, but bro I really need you. Amiyah is in the hospital. Man they saying we might lose our baby. I'm up here about to wig out. I need you. You know I wouldn't have called you if I didn't need to. Call me back please."
What the hell is going on? How did she end up in the hospital? Did they get into a fight? What did he do? I had all these questions running in my mind and I didn't know what to do. Should I go to the hospital? Should I call him? What will I tell Chris? After minutes of wrestling with a decision I just went along with brushing my teeth so I could see what was going on. I know if I needed Danny for something like this, he would come.
"Where you going," Chris frowned when I came out the bathroom with sweats on and a tank top.
"Danny just called me, Amiyah's in the hospital there's a chance they might lose their baby. I'm going to check on him," I admitted.
"I don't mean any harm Ry, that's tragic really but what does that have to do with you?"
"Chris please understand. He needs me right now, I'm just going to check on him that's it. I know he would have my back in something like this."
"I don't know how I should feel about this," he sat up watching me. "But I guess I'll see you later then?"
"Of course you will baby. I'm just going to check on him and the baby then I'm gone. I'm coming right back to you," I sat next to him placing my hands on both sides on his face. "Hey, I love you so much and I don't want you to forget that. You're the only one I want. You're the only man I see. You're everything Maurice. Okay?"
"Okay Simone. I love you too," we exchanged a few kisses before I headed out.
As I walked into the hospital I took a deep breath. The last time I was here I damn near was on my death bed. Memories I don't miss. I seen Danny was already downstairs waiting on me with this worried expression on his face.
"No news yet," I asked him.
"Not quite yet, but the doctor said he will be out with us shortly," he answered. From the puffiness of his eyes I could tell he had been crying. As much as I didn't want to be I did feel bad for him. I wouldn't want to be in any predicament like this nor would I wish it on anyone.
"Thank you for coming. You don't know how much this meant to me especially giving the circumstances."
"Mhm," was all I could say. He led me to where they were waiting I assumed and lo and behold guess who was present once again? My raggedy ass mama. I bit the inside of my cheek to refrain from blowing up. She met my gaze with a guilty look.
"I can't be here right now," I told him. He looked over at my mom before looking at me.
"Can we just talk right quick? Let's go somewhere else?"
"Lead the way," I said, whatever to get me away from her. I followed him again down a bland hallway. We walked outside to a little wooded area. I'm sure many people came out here to smoke or clear their minds for a little while. We sat down at a bench in the corner.
"This shit is all my fault," he sighed staring at nothing in particular. I said nothing because I couldn't deny that.
"So what happened exactly?"
"After everything that went down she decided she wanted to leave me. She was attempting to pack, but she was also so upset so she was having a hard time. Long story short she became so hysterical that I think she upset the baby and now we're here. I swear Ry if something happens to my baby I'll never forgive myself for as long as I live," he clenched his fist staring at me with piercing eyes. Not really knowing what to say or do in that moment I casually rubbed circles around his back to comfort him.
"The baby will be fine. She will too.. but listen once they get better you have to promise yourself that you will stop this shit. Danny you are entirely too old to be acting the way you do. You are a grown ass divorced man with 3 children. It's time to grow up. I don't know how to stress it enough, but Amiyah really does love you. I know too well how she feels. She just wants you to see her the way she sees you. Given everything she's been through in so little time it's obvious you're the one for her. Don't let her down like you did me."
It grew silent between us, I guess he was taking it all in from what I said.
"I'm sorry," he said finally looking up at me.
"Danny—"
"No. Raya I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I don't have an excuse or justification for anything I did. I just did it. I admit I knew what I was doing when I did it and I never considered anyone in the process but myself. I'm selfish. I'm admitting that now. I'm a fool. I've known that for a while. I guess I just thought since you were always around shit would always remain sweet, but I received a rude awakening real quick. The day I showed up at that cabin to find you I knew I lost you so I panicked and did stupid shit. I never imagined a life without you because you always made it so convenient. To tell the truth I couldn't handle knowing another nigga was stealing your heart from me right under my nose. For the very first time I felt jealous and insecure. My pride wouldn't allow me to accept you being anything other than my woman. I was wrong though. You're somebody else's now and I can't do a damn thing but accept it. I gotta move on and I'm the one to blame for that. Just never thought I'd lose you.."
"You lost me as a spouse. You lost me as a partner, but you never lost me as a friend and I want you to know that. We're going to be in each other's lives forever. I'm going to always have your back and I will always love you so that's why I say you need to get it together and be the man I knew you could be."
"Does he make you happy," he asked lowly. I placed a small smile on my face and nodded.
"He makes me more than happy."
"You love him?"
"Yes I do. I really do Danny and I don't want to mess up what I have with him. Do you love her?"
He hesitated on answering. "Yeah I believe I do. I think I have for a while now, more than I wanted to admit because I wanted us to last."
"Then love her right before you lose another good woman. Our time we had with each other is over D. It's time to be loved and love on the people that were right for us from the jump. We just weren't made for each other the way we thought we were and that's okay."
"I guess this is really the end then huh?"
I nodded smiling. "Yeah.. it is."
For the first time in our entire messy breakup I finally feel like I experienced some closure. This chapter has finally closed properly. It's much of a relief.
"Funny, how unpredictable life will always be."
"Indeed," I nodded lost in my own thoughts.
"Danny, Danny," Danny's cousin came running towards us. Danny sat up alert from the call of his name. "Amiyah's up! She's fine, the baby's fine!"
I smiled widely looking at the blank expression on Danny's face. He bent his head down, but even from here I could see the tears fall from his eyes.
"Aww," I wiped a stray tear from his cheek. I'm such an empath that he was about to make me cry too. I'm so glad that precious baby still gets a shot at life. "Stop crying D, God's giving you another chance. Embrace it."
He nodded sniffing as he wiped the wetness off of his face. I chuckled, he looked like a big Ryan. "Fucking crybaby."
"Shut up," he managed to laugh.
"It's true. Now what are you doing here nigga? Go see your baby mama and fix this shit."
"Right," he stood up and I did the same. He just stared at me in a way I couldn't determine. "Thank you Ry. I love you forever."
"I love you too Daniel."