To some, Raya Lee-Williams, has the world and then some in the palm of her hands. Married to one of the most successful, not to mention, most handsome music producers in LA and having a two beautiful children with a mansion sized home to match, you...
I woke up the next day feeling so refreshed. Chris's side of the bed was empty so he was either out talking to August or in the bathroom. I rose out of the bed admiring the views. I never really woke up with a smile on my face before because that felt like something you would only see on tv, but today I couldn't stop smiling. Chris literally stayed up with me and helped me create a business plan for my make up line that I was for sure going to go for. He helped me come up with ideas, a vision, budget, the list goes on. He also is going to set me up with some people he knows that can help me make this idea a reality when we get back home. We didn't go to sleep until we covered every single detail. I think Chris was more excited than I was. He's really amazing, nothing short of. I just couldn't wait to get this plan into motion. Once I realized Chris wasn't in the bathroom I went in and took care of my hygiene. I looked at myself in the mirror closely and not even I could hide the glow that reflected off my skin. I was feeling really good currently and it showed. Putting my hair in a high ponytail I finally walked out of our room to visit with my friends. Naomi was the only person I saw. She was watching tv, well more so letting it watch her as she typed away in her phone. "Happy birthday gawgeous," I told her in my best August impersonation. Today was Naomi's actual birthday and you know we're going the fuck up for my sister. I ran over to her placing kisses all over her face causing her to push me away. "Sissss move yo heavy ass off of me!" "Mmmuaaah," I left one final big kiss on her cheek. "And for the record hoe I'm not heavy!" "And is," she laughed. I rolled my eyes before sitting next to her. "So where are the boys?" "They're out getting us some breakfast. We were trying to go out to eat but we got too hungry waiting on you to wake up. You must've got some dick or something last night." My eyes grew wide. I tapped her arm. "Nooo! You always so nasty minded." "Blame the nigga I'm fucking. He has made me this way. Do you wanna get in the pool," she asked rising up. "We have an entire pool inside of this place and everyone's just ignoring it. I'm not rich like y'all this is impressive to me." "Girl hush. Let's go!" We stripped down to our panties and bra before we made a sprint for the pool and dived in with a shriek. "Got damn this water is cold," Naomi shouted over her teeth chattering. It definitely was, but luckily there was an option where you could heat up the pool. After a few laps and floating around eventually our bodies grew adjusted to the temperature of the water. "Sooo can I be honest to you about something," I asked. Naomi gave me a face like "duh". "Is that a rhetorical question honey?" "Seriously Naomi, I need you to be completely honest with me," I continued. I paused for a while trying to word myself correctly. "I think I'm falling for Chris. Like really, really falling and it's scaring the shit out of me. Last night I had a breakdown. Chris patiently talked me through it and made me feel better. Then he spent hours helping me create a plan to start my own business. I'm literally about to start up a make up line." "Wait what? Raya that is amazing. Sister what the hell?! I'm literally a proud mother right now," Naomi yelled embracing me in a hug. "I can't wait to see what you put out there. You're cold with this make up shit so I know you're about to have us looking bomb. I'm too ready to support! Random people are going to be pulling me off the street trying to look at my lips and I'm going to tell shop with the baddest bitch in the land Raya Simone ms bitch!" Naomi yelled swinging her hair as she spoke.
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"Girl you are so crazy! But those are facts sis! Can't wait until I walk in a room knowing you're the one who designed it. I'm going to be so extra," I told her. "And that's why I love you pooh, but on a serious note you should've known you would catch feelings eventually Raya. You talk to him all the time, you see him as much as you can spare the time to do so, and now you two are physical with one another. I'm not quite sure where else you thought that would lead to. You know I like Chris and I personally feel like he'll be perfect for you. But at the same time sis I feel like it's getting closer for you to make a real decision. It's at the point where both you and Danny are full blown cheating on each other when there's absolutely no point of it. Why not just let each other go? It's not even a marriage anymore if you want to be real. Per usual you know I will never judge you, but if you continue this way, like I said before, someone is going to end up hurt. Too many feelings are involved."
I sighed feeling sad. I know what she's saying is true but I don't even want to think about it. I'm more confused than ever when it should be a no brainer. I either end my marriage of several years for someone I'm still getting to know or stay with my husband. Thinking about staying with Danny for years to come on this toxic rollercoaster we're always on makes my stomach turn. I don't want to deal with this forever, but I'm so scared to meet someone else and deal with the same shit. Danny could change one day and love me the way he had before. Then what? I give up on him.. on us? Chris shows me he will love me the way I deserved from the jump. But for how long though? Would it last between us? All these thoughts traumatize my mind heavily. Love scares the hell out of me. I don't want to make the same mistake twice or I will probably never love again.
