Loving the Ruthless Wave

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36

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There are really just things that we are afraid to tell even to the people we trust the most. There are things that we like to be kept and hidden. Not because we don't trust the person but because we are afraid of their reactions.

We were silently sitting in the kitchen's bar counter after she made Kai fell into a deep sleep. I take a sip on my wine as she also sip on hers.

"Life has been pretty hard to us huh?" I said and smile at her.

Tumango siya sa akin at muling lumagok sa kaniyang inumin.

"Why didn't you tell me about Kai?"

I heard her sigh. She looked at me with fears in her eyes.

"I was afraid."

I fired her with my unending emotions in my eyes.

"Afraid of what? Arry, I am your bestfriend! Ako ito, kaibigan mo. What makes you terrified of telling things to me?"

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang isa pang wine sa kaniyang refrigerator.

"You are not just my friend. You are my bestfriend Mavis. And that's what makes it harder for me to tell you this. You know our past right? Wala naman siyang nararamdaman para sa akin. He doesn't like me. It was just a drunken mistake. You are the one he likes. He loves you! How am I supposed to tell you this?"

I sighed.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way. I'm sorry if I wasn't there to support you in your darkest days. I feel terrible. Wala ako noong mga panahon na kailangan mo ako. I'm sorry if I made you feel this way Arry."

She shook her head.

"It's not like that. Natatakot lang talaga ako sa magiging reaksiyon mo. Natatakot ako kasi hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Ayoko lang ring dumagdag sa mga problema mo. You've been through a lot."

I smiled at her sadly.

"But still, you shouldn't be afraid to tell me things that has been bothering you. You have me remember? Kahit ano pang pinagdaraanan ko sa buhay, kapag kailangan mo ako, nandito ako para sayo."

She looks like an afraid kitten caught stealing food by her master. She's guilty.

She nodded.

"Sinabi mo na ba sakaniya?"

She shook her head. Kinuha niya sa akin ang wine na hawak ko. Binuksan niya ito at sinalinan ang kaniyang baso.

"Kailan mo balak sabihin na may anak kayo? Goodness Arry! This is a huge thing!"

"I don't know. Hindi ko talaga alam." She said very problematic.

Muli akong napabuntong hininga.

"How did it happen? Kailan? Four years old na si Kai. Bago pa ako ikasal ay ipinagbuntis mo na siya. Bakit hindi ko alam?"

Umiling siya sa akin.

"It was a mistake. We were drunk. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari. It was the time you got depressed for months. Hindi ka lumalabas kaya hindi mo alam nangyayari sa paligid mo. Masyado siyang nasasaktan dahil sayo noon. He was too broken just like how you are. Inaya niya akong samahan siyang uminom tapos hindi ko na alam. How am I supposed to tell you when I can't even admit it to myself?"

I almost drop myself in my sit because of the overflowing emotions I saw in her eyes. Ang tagal na!

"Do you regret everything Arry? Do you regret it?" I asked her.