Loving the Ruthless Wave

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38

Kiss

His bloodshot and fierce eyes made me took a step back. He was looking intently at me that made me shiver right where I am standing. I was about to speak when he pulled me and put me into a tight hug. I can feel my shoulders being wet.

What? Is he fucking crying?

"Apollo..."

He pulled me nearer that we could almost trade faces. He tightened the embrace more that I can feel my inners being squished off and I can hear my bones being cracked up.

"I fucking miss you." He whispered.

My heart ache at that. The side of my lips rose. Tumulo ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan at sinuklian ang mainit na yakap na ibinigay siya sa akin.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry." I said almost running out of breathe.

It is not true when people told you that if it is meant to be, it will be. I believe that we are in charge of our future. We shape the situation we are in today because we choose it. We choose to be miserable that is why we are unhappy. And if we choose happiness today, we will be really happy. Because we chose it. We decided to choose it. And I will choose happiness on days forward. I will choose to be with Apollo. I will embrace every hardships life will throw upon us and overcome it all with him. I will no longer figure things out on my own because I figure it all out with him.

"I'm sorry for running away alone. I'm sorry for running away from you."

Tears keep on flowing in my eyes. My vision is blury but my mind is now clear. I will stop running away from my problems. I will face everything starting from now on.

"I'm just really scared. I feel so guilty and I feel responsible for other people's misery. You know  how hard it is for me to shoulder all the blame. My conscience is eating me all day. I could hardly sleep at night."

Niyakap niya ako ng mas mahigpit at ibinaon ang kaniyang muka sa aking leeg.

"I know baby. I know."

Kumalas ako sa kaniyang yakap at dahan dahang naglakad palapit sa aming kama. I silently sit there and saw him following me. He towered my view as he stand tall and firm in front of me.

"Knowing the truth breaks my heart. Lahat ng sakit bumalik. I feel so out of place. Pakiramdam ko ay pang gulo lang talaga ako sa buhay mo." I shook my head. "All I brought to you was problems. Puro paninira sa buhay mo. Wala na akong nagawang tama."

Lumuhod siya sa aking harap. I saw how hurt his eyes is while looking at me. Bakas pa rin ang pag iyak sa kaniyang mata ngunit mas kalmado na siya ngayon kumpara sa akin na hindi pa rin humuhupa ang emosyon.

"That's not true. You made me happy. You made me feel special and loved. You brought sunshine in my life."

Umiling ako sa kaniya kaya hinawakan niya ang aking kamay.

"Do you know what it made me feel that time? I feel so insecure. I feel so worthless for always ruining things for you. Masaya ka sana ngayon e. You should be happy with her."

His brooding eyes darted into mine and by that moment I felt something piercing into my heart. It hurts that it stings.

"I'm happy with you."

My heart bleeds after that. Instead of feeling hapiness I felt the sadness. Sadness for him because he needs to settle with someone like me when in fact, he could be with someone better. And that makes my heart bleeds in insecurity.

"Masaya dapat kayo ngayon pero anong ginawa ko? Sinira ko ang lahat sa inyo. You should hate me like how she hates me."

Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay. Ang kanang kamay niya ay naglakbay sa aking leeg at marahang itong hinaplos. He closed our distance with a soft kiss. It feels so tender and soothing. I slowly closed my eyes as he brought me into a daydream. When he withdraw, he placed his forehead into mine.