Loving the Ruthless Wave

Kabanata 34

Kabanata 34

Choice

If I had only known that my dreams and wishes will destroy someone else life, I would never continue to pursue it. I will set aside my own desire just to keep another person's life intact. I hate to admit it but slowly, realization is drowning me. My selfishness killed a person. My selfishness destroyed a person's life. Just when I thought that I am already brave enough to continue in life, everything keeps on telling me that I am not. The truth is, I am a real coward. I am a coward because I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to know that all the things I have right now was something I don't deserve to have in the first place.

"Dad tell me it's not true! Please! Mom!" I pleaded.

Halos lumuhod ako sa kanilang harap dahil sa sobrang panghihinga. Hawak ko ang binti ni Mommy at kita ko ang sakit sa kaniyang mata habang pinapanood akong nagmamakaawa. She's also crying while trying to hold me.

My conscience would never accept the fact that I am the reason of someone's destruction. I can never accept the fact that I am the reason why someone died. My conscience will forever eat me up and I am sure that it will never make me sleep at night. I just can't, I will never accept it.

"Mavis stand up!" My father shouted at me.

I looked at the man whom I first adored. Ang lalaking una kong minahal at pinahalagahan. Ang lalaking hinahangaan ko dahil sa kabaitang taglay. I know he will never kill someone. I know he can't.

"Please calm down baby. You're just stressed out." Alo sa akin ni Mommy.

Pinipilit niya akong tumayo pero hindi ako gumalaw. My body wasn't able to move an inch. I lost all my strength. Right now, all I wanted was the truth. I hate being lied to.

"Mommy sabihin niyo na po sa akin ang totoo! Did you do it on purpose?" Tanong ko na nanghihina.

My mother looked away and started to cry more. I looked at my father and saw him shooking his head while his head is in a little bow. Mas lalo akong naiyak. I am a grown up now, I deserve to know everything.

"Daddy please! Did you two do it? Bakit? You killed a person! Bakit niyo nagawa iyon?" I shouted.

Nabitawan ko ang binti ni Mommy at nanghihinang bumagsak ang aking kamay sa aking tuhod.

"You should go upstairs. Go to your room and get enough sleep. We'll just talk later." My father said and sighed.

Halo halong mga emosyon ang namuo sa akin. I was attacked by disappointments, anger and pain. Bagay na kailanman ay hindi ko naramdaman sa aking mga magulang. My bloodshot eyes looked at them with hatred and pain.

"No! I deserve the truth. I want to know everything now!"

Dahan dahan akong tumayo. Lumapit ako sa aking mga magulang. Tiningnan ko sila ng naghahamon. Pinalis ko ang aking mga luha at tiningnan sila pareho ng seryoso sa mata.

"Tell me why Dad. Why did you do it? Paano niyo po nakayanang manira ng buhay ng ibang tao."

"You want to know the truth? I will tell you the truth!" Sigaw ni Daddy na nakapagpatigil sa akin.

Hinila niya ako at sapilitang inupo sa sofa ng aming living room. Kita ko naman ang pag aalala sa muka ng Mommy na nakasunod sa amin.

"Nico!"

I saw my mother shook her head.

Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa.

"Do you remember the whole month you got depressed? The time when you will always locked yourself up in your room, without eating? Hindi ka lumalabas. Hindi ka na halos pumapasok sa eskuwela. Halos isang buwan mong pinagtangkaang kunin ang buhay mo. Para saan? Dahil sa pagmamahal!"