Blame it on me' ~ Post Malone

36.

***

I bravely swallowed my tears, trying not to give the pain the force. My arms were cramped around my body, trying to hold it together. My eyes stared at the photo on the grave. I had been completely prepared for the pain, completely ready to let it come over me. But I couldn't handle this. The grave was polished, and the snow was thrown off. The bright black gravestone stands out against the white of the snow. On the tomb was a beautiful gray frame with a large photo. Our photo. I had been here for fifteen minutes; I couldn't move. The pain seemed to have tied me to the ground. The look of my eyes seemed to rest permanently on the photo.

I heard footsteps behind me, but I ignored them. The creaking noise that the snow made became more audible with the step, which meant that the person came in my direction. I still didn't lookup. A hand rested on my shoulder, and I felt the tears that quickly piled up my eye. "Hey!" It sounded out of nowhere, and I finally turned around. I stared straight into the sea-blue eyes of Austin, and I couldn't restrain myself. Tears flooded my face, and I felt Austin's comforting arms, which quickly closed around my body. My vision was blurred due to the presence of many tears in my eyes.

I still felt my lip tremble while I looked at Austin. His eyes were worried, his hand comfortingly rubbing my back. When he saw that I was looking, his anxious eyes gave way to a small smile. But he was fake; his eyes didn't seem to smile. "Are you okay?" It was just the picture. "It was the same picture that had its permanent place on my bedside table, which we both had and that we were so proud of." His eyes glanced at something behind me, and when I followed his gaze, I saw what he was looking at. My face was cheerful and idiotic. My straight hair hung loosely on my shoulders, and I had a big smile on my face. Riley was identical to me. Her blue eyes sparkled with pleasure. "Is that her?" Austin pulled me out of my mind while he took the picture.

It struck me that he didn't talk in the past tense, and I just melted inside because of that. "Yes." It was my simple answer before I put my head back against his chest. His arms closed around my waist, and I felt the peace return to my body. It was incredible how he always did that. As if he were a magnet for my pain and sucked it out of me. "You're lovely, you know?" I blurted out. I felt my cheeks turn red when his finger pushed up my chin. A tingling went through my body through the touch. He stared into my eyes, and I looked back. I searched for the many treasures hidden in it, of which only a part I had already found. I could look into the blue sea of ​​his eyes forever. I would never get tired of it. "Thank you." He said before pushing a little kiss on the corner of my mouth. I still felt the print on my skin. Like a burn, but not painful. "We must go." He whispered so quietly that it could have been the wind. He probably thought I was lost in thought. I nodded and released myself from his grasp.

I picked up my bike, which was somewhere behind me. I searched for a second bike, but I didn't find it. I searched farther away, but there was still no sign of a bicycle. Strange. "How are you here?" I asked in surprise. "On foot." I shook my head. It was a long walk from the house to here. He really had to be crazy or something. When I thought that, I started to laugh. Austin turned back to me, and his eyes were questioning. "You are crazy that you are walking here." I chuckled. He shrugged and scratched the back of his head, which looked cute. Before I would sink even further in my mind, I took action. "Do you cycle then? I will sit behind." He nodded and took the bike from me. I quickly sat behind when he started cycling along the path with the graves. My face against his back and my arms around him. Not only to protect me against the cold but also because I wanted to have it with me.

I was afraid that if I let him go, all this would fade, and I would wake up from a dream that was too great to be true.