Open Heart: MC X Sienna

Ramsey's Word of 'Love'

She sits on the opposite end of the bed, cross legged and traumatised. This is not good at all. I don't know what to feel at this moment. I am both paralysed and turned on but my brain has already informed me that this is where things end between the two of us. She won't ever go further when she has Wayne at the back of her mind. I can't ask her to go further. She must be the one who decides where things go from here and I get the feeling of understanding that where she will take this.

Her face has fallen and her eyes are lowered, she is gazing at her hands which lay on her lap. I slowly adjust my shirt and jeans, then I move a hand through my wreck of hair. Her fingers were exploring them, caressing them mere moments back. Now she's not even looking at me. I find it hard to breathe for a second and I want to cry. Just cry and cry my heart out!

She looks up and licks her lips which are slightly swollen due to our passionate kisses.
"I am so sorry, Felix! I just lost control of myself" she says in a disgusted tone.

"You don't have to be sorry, it was no one's fault" I say. Yes, I won't let you blame yourself and to be honest my love, it hurts to hear that you regret kissing me.

"I-I know it was my mistake..." she murmurs, mistake?
"It was probably because of my fight with Wayne. I promise I won't ever, never ever lose control like that! You certainly don't deserve to be a pillow in which I pour my anger and frustration out"

So was it not passion that we shared? Was it her frustration and fury? Her frustration on her relationship with Wayne? Was I not kissed because she feels something special for me but because of her anger on Wayne?

And I thought I had felt actual pain in life before...

"Forgive me, Felix" she says looking right into my eyes.

Hold those tears back... just hold them back.

"I-I don't even d-deserve your forgiveness... You are worth so much more and I-I am sorry for treating you like that"

"Yes, I am definitely worth more than that..." I can't believe I said that!

A tear is about to fall off as I look into her dark, warm eyes. Get up and leave.
I get off the bed and turn my back to her to quickly wipe off that damned tear.

"I think I need to leave, Sienna. Sleep well" and I dart out of the room.

I was not loved for myself!

No matter how long I stand under the hot shower, her scent, her touch and that moment won't wash off of my body. As much as I want to be left alone, my mind just keeps replaying the events of those passionate few minutes which were supposed to be the best of my life but now feel like a spear through my heart.
She kissed me but because of her frustration not because she has feelings for me.

I waited for her all this time because I wanted her to decide what she wanted, I wanted her to want me with all her heart but now when I thought that she actually felt something for me, it turned out that what I was given was due to Wayne's grace. Here I felt that I was being loved in return of my love. I was receiving passion in return of my passion and desire for my desire.

I was wrong.

I get it, she cannot and must not be blamed if she doesn't feel the same as I do but should she not be blamed for continuing something she would come to regret later on. If she had to keep me friend zoned then why kiss me? Why give me hope for a moment that we could be more than friends? I am not wrong this time, she is wrong and she has hurt me!

I skip breakfast and leave on my Royal Enfield before my friends are even awake. Since I'm on duty even before my duty starts... I am met by the interns from the night shift. They gravely question my decision of coming early when I could be in bed for an extra hour.