Open Heart: MC X Sienna

What She Always Felt

Sienna Trinh's POV

Felix. He had been my friend all this while and what he said tonight was a shock for me. I trusted him, loved him and cared for him but now, I sit with my head resting on my knees and tears streaming down my face. I can not stop feeling disgusted and disappointed in myself. He would've never felt this way if he hadn't gotten some signals from me. I force my mind to go down the memory lane and think of any occasion which could've served as a propositioning signal for him.

Something. Anything.

I sniff rather loudly which makes Jackie move a little. Worried, I shoot a glance in her direction. Oof! Thank God! She is still asleep. Even though she is actually snoring very quietly, I am unable to convince myself that she is actually asleep. A part of me expects her to rise up and pounce right on my back, scaring me and making me burst into tears.

With the fear still thudding in a tiny corner of my heart, I begin thinking and recollecting all my memories.

Our first meeting was nothing special. When I saw Dr. Ramsey chewing on him; I felt bad. I went and lied for him because I couldn't bear the thought of him being punished or being shouted upon on his very first day. I close my eyes, resting them back on my knees as I wrap my arms around my legs.

His face appears. Shocked as well as relieved. He wasn't at all expecting to be rescued but fate made it happen for the both of us. I don't remember anything significant from then on... then came the night when all my roommates met Wayne for the first time.

He had been unhappy. He had danced with me that day. I almost find myself in his arms again. How delighted I was when he said that he'd dance with me on the song I liked so much. I am ashamed of this but I didn't even think of Wayne even once while we danced. I didn't even bother looking at him, although I was worried later on about what he'd feel and how'd he react.

The kiss!

We had kissed for the kiss cam that day during the baseball game. That memory was not easy to let go off. I still remember how I always blushed inwardly when I saw Felix for the upcoming entire week. He was very normal about it and that's probably why I was able to go on quicker than expected. I had felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach after kissing him. It was something that I had longed for since so long. It had been months ever since Wayne had kissed me on his own and when Felix did it... it was as if though I was trying to fill up that empty space that Wayne had left in our relationship.

It disgusts me now that how I did not try hard enough to stop things from taking the direction that they took with him. I can never forgive myself for all of this that happened.

Somehow, now all the things become crystal clear. There had been so many times when I had suspected that Felix had been jealous, perhaps my suspicion was not off point at all. Especially when I went on that so-called date with Danny and dragged him along, he seemed rather pissed at several occasions. Ahh, yes! That date.

I was very uncomfortable with going out alone with Danny, even though he is a good man but I was still uneasy. Also I did not want him to think that it was a one-on-one date. Having Felix along was a selfish move made by me to ensure that things did not escalate plus he also made me feel safe. Maybe he misunderstood these intentions of mine as well.

I was right to blame myself! Now every action, every word that I had said to him shows me a double meaning even though that was never my intention. My nose slightly hurts now from all the tissue paper that I have used in the past half an hour. I don't want to think about him anymore but I also can't stop thinking about him. For a second, let me be honest with myself.