Crazy In Love || Dylan O'Brien

Chapter 38

Playlist: Fade Away-Tom Walker

'I'm not sure whether you still remember this or not, but I still do, weirdly enough that's even the first memory that comes to mind whenever I think of US back then...

It was back at seventh grade, I had just switched schools and that was hard on it's own. I didn't know anyone, all the friends I've made were states away now. I hated being the new kid, it's really no fun let me tell you that.

I'm not sure if you could even remember this, or maybe you'll think I'm a weirdo for still hanging onto that one memory. But how can I not? It was the first memory I had of you. You had seen me sitting alone at lunch and for some unknown reason to me to this day, have decided to leave your friends and sit with me instead.

I remember you talking like we have been lifelong friends, catching me up to everything. You were so laid back, a huge genuine smile adored your face, and I wasn't sure what exactly it was about you, but I decided I liked you that very day. I decided that I wanted you for myself, for as a friend and if you'd allow me for even more.

I just knew that if I had you, things wouldn't be as bad as I thought them to be.

And for some out of this world reason, you've actually agreed to be my girlfriend when I had plucked up enough courage to finally ask you. And for everyday forward, I have cherished every moment together, every moment of you being mine.

If you're still reading this letter, and confused what I want to say, it's that if I had it my way, I'd love and cherish every moment with you forever. But fate had other plans and even through all the hate we've been through, you never left my heart and I still cared deeply for you. That's why it wouldn't be fair to stay around when I know it's soon that I'd be dying.

Because despite you killing me before, I know that was hard for you. Despite your hateful words, all I could see in your eyes how pleading they were. And no matter how many times I say sorry, that'll never amount to how much I've failed you.

So instead, I leave you with this letter, with the words I never was able or will ever be able to tell you. After all these years, after all the pain and darkness we went through, when I look at you I still see the girl I fell in love with in seventh grade. I see light in her, I see good, I don't see the darkness that has been trying so desperately to break her down.