Crazy In Love || Dylan O'Brien

Chapter 19

Playlist: Inner demons-Julia Brennan

The darkness was everywhere and it was becoming scary just how comfortable she was with it. She couldn't see anything around her, not even an ounce of light shinning through a crack, just blackness, but it didn't put her on edge.

This was her comfort zone.

A place where her biggest fear could just be darkness. As kids we all feared monsters, that was just how it was. Some of us grew out of that fear and some others just didn't. Her monsters were of a different kind though. They all poured down into the shape of someone she once used to love with everything in her.

Unfortunately, the darkness was the place where your monsters hid.

"Am I dead? And if I am...why are you here? This is my own personal hell, isn't it?" She winced on the realisation dawning on her.

"For a second I believed you were brave, turns out you're just some kind of stupid, Ona " he says quietly with a disappointed shake of his head.

"Don't call me that..." she breathes out.

"Where am I?" She asks again when he doesn't say anything.

"You're kind of between life and death, I guess...that's the thing I'll never understand about you, Ona, you just love too much, trust too much that you always end up getting hurt"

She swore to have seen a fleeting emotion behind those green orbs of his and for a stupid, dumb moment, she thought it was some form of sadness. Because it'd be a frozen day in hell when her ex would ever feel anything empathetic.

But his words reminds her of what she could last remember. Of when that icicle shot right towards the brown eyed boy's chest. And before she could realise what she was even doing, her feet was already moving and she was standing between him and his certain death like a shield.

Andy wasn't right about alot of things, but she couldn't deny that he was right about one thing. She did love and trust too much. She trusted him too much, only for him to kill her sister. She loved the brown eyed boy too much, only for him to end up being the death of her. She just never thought it'd be quite literal.

"But why are you here?" She asks with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm inside your head, Ona. I'm trying to guide you back before it's too late. Your heart is already too weak "

And for a second there, she can't help but feel like there was a double-meaning to his words.

"Guide me back?"

"You're stuck in your own head, your body is fine, and so is your brain. I just don't understand why you're so afraid to leave here" he trails off with a confused tone of voice.

"I'm not afraid of anything and you know it" she chuckles humorlessly at that with a slight shake of her head.

"Then why are you still trapped in the darkness of your own head?"

It was a question that rendered her speechless. If he was telling the truth about both her body and brain being fine, then why was she still stuck in her own head? Could it really be possible that she was holding back, hiding from her fears?

And then it hit her, darkness has always been her safest place to run to and hide when things just got too much. It was after enduring so much pain, that she decided her best bet was to embrace her monsters and darkness over cowering away from them.

Being stuck here was just her way of cowering away from her reality. From what she deep down could feel she'd become. Because the second she opened her eyes again, would be the same second all her inner demons resurfaced and awakened...again.