Random Blabbings

the dark side

Trigger warning:
this blab has themes and feels which may not be suitable to those who haven't watched Special A and dislikes korean entertainment with a passion. No further reading is strongly advised.

| you have been warned |

Nung bata ako, sobra akong nahilig sa anime na Special A. OTP ko sina Kei at Hikari.

“Miss rank number two.”

Madalas yon sabihin ni Kei kay Hikari kasi kahit anong effort ang i-exert niya, eternally rank 2 siya sa school standing habang number one si Kei.

Tho it's comical in that anime, it is, however, ultimately frustrating and annoying in real life.

I should know. I've been there. Or more like, I'm standing right at it.

When this realization hit me, natawa ako. I don't know if this is a manifestation of how much I like the anime back then or I'm just not cut out to be number one, but either way, it's annoying.

As hell.

Recently, as in a few months back, due to some huge hurdles, I got into—blast it—kpop.

It's the ‘dark side’ as how we, me and my utol, like to call it because once we cross the line, we both know there's no way in hell that we could go back.

How I got there? I'm not really sure. One moment, I was watching a certain commercial in front in our TV with my motha and the next second, I'm consuming all things related to it in various social networking sites—it's absolutely crazy.

See, I've always been a fan of korean dramas because they have fresh stories and out of the box situations. For instance, how could a doctor and a soldier fall in love to each other despite the stark contrast in their chosen, and beloved, profession? One vowed to save lives (no matter what race and gender) while the other won't hesitate to kill, if it will mean the safety of the ton.

That's pure awesomeness, 'kay?

Yet, I generally steer away from the kpop/idols industry because for one, how could I sing along to songs I don't understand? Although their choreography is indeed remarkable and deserves all the respect.

But then again, wag nga raw magsasalita ng tapos.

To make it short, their dramas made it nice to go and live there. Kahit pa may issues and prejudices sila in terms of gender and all that, it's all rainbows and unicorns in dramas. But the kpop industry—yes, i refer them as separate entities—made me see the ugly side. The ruthless bashing and obsessive fan culture are just among all of those.

I'm not really against it, actually. If you think of it, without the ruthless bashing and ridiculously high standards of korean people, their artists wouldn't go the extra mile and almost touch perfection.

One thing I learned in school is success breeds success. If yer standards are high, students will be pressured to climb up and try harder.

Success breeds success.

I do not condone nor agree with it but I am recognizing it's results. Lez all be reminded of Inside Out's main point—joy doesn't come before sadness.

The latter made the former sweeter.

And after all those, maybe, I have a fixation for people who aren't the best yet try their best just like how I admired Hikari because the group that enamored me is just like that.

People say they're not famous because they're not as 'good-looking' as other groups and they're not from the big 3 agencies.

But to tell y'all the truth, once I've heard their voices, every group failed in comparison. It was insane.

Meron akong matagal nang tanong na wala pang nakakapagbigay ng satisfying na sagot: “sabi nila, kung natikman mo na yung the best, bakit maghahanap ka pa ng iba?” to which i (for the longest time) contested with, “pano mo malalaman na the best na yung natikman mo, kung hindi ka titikim ng iba?”

I can asure you, their vocals are superb as I have heard others. Now, my ears can't entertain anything subpar. In my eyes, they're no longer “idols” for they are “artists” just like how writer write stories, painters paint and musical actors perfom among others.

Do you know how they managed to be this remarkable? They continue growing and trying despite everything.

There's a joke in their group and in the fandom that because they keep on failing while trying every genre there is, now people tell them they can do all genres.

It's both beautiful and painful.

Then I remembered Hikari and all the hurdles she has to go through. How she has to work her ass off to beat Kei and how every failed attempt made her work harder.

See, I'm a relatively lazy person. I procrastinate then worry about procrastinating on a daily basis. Then, I get so inspired by people like them, by characters like Hikari.

So, I realized, we all want the success and glamour, the spotlight, the recognition, without going through all the trouble.

But this is the dark side. You have to sweat, you have to sacrifice sleep, you have to go through the ardous process of breaking out of the comfort zone you've made for yourself. You have to fail a hundred times to move your craft an inch to growth. Some have to starve, some have to stay up for days, some have to give up the present to work for that future.

This is the dark side. And funny enough, we're all here without knowing it. Without making any move to get out of here. Or maybe, no one can really get out of here.

I don't know if I'll ever get out of this box labeled eternal 2nd rank, and I don't trust myself to get out of the dark side, too. I'm not preaching. This lengthy blab is a reminder for myself to continue struggling because there is no other way.

In short, I will prolly not publish anything unless it's finished because of the continues struggle. Kidding.

Or not.