Random Blabbings

naked

as i have mentioned before, i am part of a writing community. the kind that continuously challenge every bit of me.

you see, every month we have to post something publicly based on the topic given for the month. for the past months prior to june and may, i have no problem doing the write up.

it's one of the easiest thing to do because i write about me: my experiences, thoughts, and perspective. it's like this book, but lengthier (at times) and not random. though there are topics that are harder to talk about, even though it's about meself. like, five things i love about my writing. that was difficult as hell. and i am not kidding.

for may and june, our topic is about mother and father respectively.

a letter to the mother i will become for may, and something i learned through my father for june.

you might ask, what's the deets? why is it hard?

well, for one, i am not the most pleasant person out there. i am not the most wonderful child a parent can ask for. i am truly grateful of my parents but no one's perfect. me and both of my parents are not perfect.

at first, i was afraid of the the lesson i will talk about. because it's religion and though i have already talked about that here, facebook is a lot more interactive platform with users who ranges from trolls to intellectuals. i was afraid of the backlash. i was afraid that my thoughts could be used against me.

then, as i try to write more of the write up, i started becoming afraid of my father. my father is not a person that i normally fear. he's funny, cool and overall nice. but he's not perfect. as i try to put into words the things i learned from him, i figured i am also pointing out the things that hurt me. the things i dislike. and though no one from the family knows about my page, it's pretty easy to see as it's in my real name.

later on, i realized that what i truly fear is not the topic. not my father or his relative. i am afraid because it is me. there's a name behind the post and behind the name is me. i realized that whatever i put out there, the comfort of anonymity i am so used here is not present.

i suddenly felt naked and who would ever want to be naked in front of the scrutinizing eyes of the ton? i'm not sure about you, but not me.

it's so funny that i bare my thoughts here, firm and fierce of my beliefs, but none of you really know me.

and in that sense, i wonder, is there anyone that's really brave to be bare?