Random Blabbings

g? g.

it is a busy year.

hindi dahil sa tambak na gawain. o sa tambak na schedules. pero busy dahil sa sarili ko.

i think it is some sort of power to continously reflect and improve one's self.

i'm busy with that.

and school, too. so, may group project kami na nangangailangan ng sipag sa paggawa at sipag sa pakikisalamuha sa tao.

wala ako no'n pareho. pero meron akong groupmates, at competitive sila.

may isang nag-announce sa gc namin na one step ahead na sila. shookt ang lahat ng kagrupo ko. napakilos sila (at ako) kinabukasan at within that day, napakiusapan lahat ng dapat pakiusapan at nagawa lahat ng dapat magawa para lang walang 'ahead' sa tatlong grupo.

intense. kinailangan ko mawala sa kabihasnan pagkatapos kasi naubos energy ko.

kagabi, nagtatawanan na sila sa gc. wala nang ahead e. light na ang atmosphere. may nagbanggit tungkol sa healthy competition na naganap. may hindi um-agree sa gc (pero pinaka-competitive in person).

ganun ako dati, e. competitive kung competitive. magpupuyat kung magpupuyat. mababaliw kung mababaliw para sa isang project.

pero may negative connotation kasi ang 'competitive' bilang isang katangian and for the longest time, pinilit kong baguhin yon.

naging lowkey ako sa maraming bagay. if someone's better, shrugs, di ko naman ginawa best ko. oks lang.

pagmababa output ko, magagalit lang ako sa sarili ko kasi kasalanan ko lang naman. walang ibang kalaban. ako lang. ako lang lagi.

kagabi, sa usapan sa gc, ko na-realize na hindi rin pala. hindi negative ang competition kung hindi mo yon titingnan sa negatibong paraan. lately, i'm training myself to see things as they are and i've realized how negative i am.

(kaya sobrang busy ko sa sarili ko because deym, this kyotness has a lot to work on)

yes, mas magandang yung kahapon na ikaw ang aangatan mo pero you're making it look like you're the enemy when you should be working with yourself.

we're seeing it as two separate person when it shouldn't be. kasi ikaw din yon.

kagabi ko na-realize na effective ang kumpetisyon because it makes you work with yourself against someone you're not. na sa huli, kung kakampi mo ang sarili mo sa isip at gawa, you're making a better output. a better product. a better work of art.

an outside enemy unites the inside community.

hindi naman kailangan na tao ang kalaban mo. minsan, standards or injustice. hindi naman kailangan na kasiraan ng isa ang main goal mo, pero pwedeng ice cream kasi nalagpasan mo yung sinet mong goal (kahit na ang goal na yun ay malagpasan ang ibang tao).

i dunno. the whole point of this blab is to capture my thoughts as i realize that competition isn't bad.

so, yeah. this blab concludes the delusion i gave to myself a few years back which is not to compete because deym, i will work with myself to get rid of those outside enemies namely deadline, due dates and the laziness to write.

you, who have read this, will become a witness, whether you like it not, so watch me conquer some sketchy shit outside myself.

g?