Getting Around the World in One Piece

xxi

Saboady was on the horizon and I sighed feeling very nostalgic as I watched the Straw Hats dance around excitedly thinking of my own crew. The warmth of the memories settled in, but was followed by a chilling sadness. Grief flooded through me as I tried not to cry.

I tried not to think about Lulu's ranting about discovering new things, and adding to her book collection. Jets whoop of laughter as he steered us to our next destination. I tried not to think about how Top and Quinn despite trying to hide it buzzed with excitement as they leaned against the mast in anticipation of our next adventure.

I wanted to forget the way Kai smiled at me as we docked, and what he had said. "We're halfway to taking over the world gorgeous."

"Ui." Luffy said standing next to me. I blinked looking at him with a small smile on my face. He didn't return it looking at me solemnly bringing a hand to my face wiping away tears I hadn't known I shed. "You're crying."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came and I just shook my head. He seemed displeased but didn't pull away. He wrapped an arm around my waist holding my close. The silence was comforting as the waves rocked the ship.

Finding some place to hide away seemed much better than sailing lately. I don't think I could ever hide away. Not for long, not with the marines always after me it seemed like an unobtainable dream.

My thoughts drifted to what would have happened had I never sailed out to sea. What my life would be. How different things would be. What would have happened to my crew had they never met me. Lulu would be running from the law trying to find a cure for her sister. Maybe she would have found it sooner. Maybe never, but at least she would still be there to sit by her sisters side.

Kai would still be stealing from petty thieves and hopping from island to island probably. Living off the streets. Was it really worth coming with me? He had the family he wanted and I hoped to whoever that he really meant it when he said he was at peace.

Top would still be stuck with those pirates Kai and I had saved him from. I like to think he was happy even on his death bed. The burning in my chest never ceased though I tried my damn hardest to accept and tell myself they were happy.

Maybe Quinn would have found the man she was searching so desperately for. He could have kept her safe. More safe than I ever could. What a worthless captain I am.

And Jet. What would Jet be doing? Living in a shack making a living off of repairing ships and the like. Maybe not exciting, but he would be alive. Maybe he could have found a lady to settle down with. Raise a family. Maybe he could have joined the marines and made a good name for himself and his family.

My mind was full of what if's. I closed my eyes trying my best to stop the onslaught of tears. Luffy's grip tightening around my waist. "Ui it's okay to cry sometimes." He whispered to me.

With those words I couldn't stop. I gave in to the weak feeling in my knees and dropped to the deck holding onto the railing for support. I cried harder than I ever had before. Luffy crouched down next to me his presence washing over me and I stopped feeling alone. The hurt just wouldn't go away. Would it ever go away?

I could feel the ship come to a stop and I knew we had docked. I wiped the tears from my face hearing the crews excited chatter. Camie being the most excited of the bunch. Once Luffy felt I was okay he too joined in on their excitement. Jumping for joy as they packed some things. I stared out at the island suddenly dreading walking amongst those trees again.

I tried to push away the negativity but it clung to me like static. My mind whirled and I just followed the crew numbly as they 'oood' and 'awed' at everything. In the corner of my eye I saw Zoro drifting from the rest and I followed suit.