Ruin The Friendship / Brendon Urie

31. Brendon

"Urie, my office." Shit. Today is my first day back in LA and work since the whole thing with twenty one pilots and Emma. I'm getting fired, I know I'm getting fired. I wore a tie today and it suddenly feels too tight. I loosen it as I walk down the hall behind my managment supervisor. I enter and he sits down, "shut the door." I swallow and pause before turning around. "Listen I-"
"It's about damn time." He states and I look at him surprised, shocked, confused, all of the above? "What?" I ask very confused.
"You and Emma, it's about fucking damn time." Ok wow cursing, not that I care. I curse all the time but not in the workplace. "We had bets going on when you two would become a thing and I won, so thank you for that!"
"You're welcome?" I reply as a question. "So when did it exactly happen? What happened? Was Josh pissed?" I look at him kind of oddly because he wants to gossip like were teenage girls in a bathroom. "Um," I run a hand down the back of my neck. "Nothing really happened yet, we are kind of still figuring it out." I explain and he doesn't look impressed. "So you guys didn't hook up?" He asks and leans back in his chair. "Well, not exactly no." He makes a humph noise and looks out his window. "So is she still home in Vegas?" He asks and I nod. "Am I fired?" I blurt out because the anticipation is killing me.
"Woah buddy, no. What happens outside this office on your own personal time does not bother me. Josh however did want me to fire you. You are too valuable for me to let go, your are the only hard working employee I have honestly. What are your plans for the future?" He asked and honestly I'm astonished. "Uh, to produce music." I answer quickly and he nods. "I'll keep you in mind next time. You can go now." And just like that im dismissed to my desk.

I sit down at my desk and place my face into my hands avoiding my glasses. I tense when I feel a set of petite, small hands grip my shoulders. I know its Lorraine but I don't bother moving. "Hey you ok?" She finally asks and I shrug her off. "Hey yeah I'm fine." She sits on my desk and crosses her legs. "So I have a bottle of wine at my place with your name on it." Old me would have said yes right away, single me. With no girl to go home to in Vegas, possibly waiting for me next month. This time it's different, and even with all the speculation I have never been so excited to say no to sex. "Sorry Lorraine, I can't do this anymore. I'm with someone now." I smile sheepishly and her face doesn't change. "Oh, because last week-"

"I know, a lot happened this past weekend. We've been friends for like 15 years and some things happened when I went home, good and bad. So we're kind of seeing where this could lead. I'm sorry." I apologize and explain to her. "Oh I see. Was the sex bad?" I shake my head. "Lorraine I'm not lying or trying to let you down gently. I'm being completely honest when I say it's not you, the sex was amazing and I hope you find someone. I really do." She blushes and smiles looking down at her hands. "Thanks B, you're sweet." She smiles again before hopping off my desk and walking back to her own. I run a hand through my hair and sigh, so why do I feel like shit?

The end of the day couldn't have gone fast enough and honestly all I wanted to do was call Emma. I know I shouldn't and I know she needs time to process, or whatever word she used to describe all this new information coming to light for her. I mean I can switch our relationship from platonic to romantic real quick but women have to stir with it for days before they can even decide, much like picking a place to eat at. I'm leaving the office and checking my Instagram, I have a new photo tagged with me in it. It's a pic of a studio and what the actual fuck. "See you Thursday bud, @brendonurie"

Drake. The Drake? The rapper? I pause in the parking lot clutching my phone because my hands have gotten sweaty. I nearly jump out of my suit when my phone goes off with a text message. My briefcase lodges lose and I quickly scramble to grab that and my phone and almost lose my glasses at the same time. I clutch everything to my chest and use my knuckle to slide my glasses back up the bridge of my nose. The text is from my operations manager.

"Don't blow it."

I look around and get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Did he just? Is he watching? I gulp and head towards my beat up car. It's 2012 blue santa fe, but now I feel like its older then that. The drive home is quiet, I don't play any music. I just simply sit in silence and rattle ideas, thoughts, regrets all in my head. By the time I get home I'm having a full on anxiety attack and want no one more then Emma. Fuck it I'm calling her.

It rings, once, twice, three times, then the line finally connects. "B, I'm not ready for this." She explains, no greeting or hello. I laugh a sad, sadistic laugh. "And to think your voice would make me feel better." I'm trying to control my breathing and my crying, but now it's just a lost cause. "Brendon, what's wrong?"
"Nothing sorry to bother you."

"Brendon." She says my name so differently now. "I just wanted to talk to you? We can't do that?" I bite out and my anxiety fills my chest. "I mean yes, but-"
"But what Emma? You have regrets? You changed your mind? I ruined our friendship? Pick one." I close my eyes tightly and breathe deep, waiting for her answer. A couple moments go by and I still hear nothing. My breathing shutters and I gasp. "B are you having an anxiety attack?" She asks and I laugh. "No," I practically whimper.
"What do you want me to do?" She asks and honestly I just want her to say she's mine and that she loves me, more then a friend. "Talk about anything." I say quickly. "So im graduating in a couple weeks. Shit I actually forgot. My lease is up at the end of that month also." She lingers, what is she getting at? "My thoughts were maybe come to LA for a little but then you kind of sprung yourself on me." She admits and I get defensive, "I didn't spring anything on you Emma you truly can't believe these feelings haven't been forming for years and you admitted you love me, once. How come now you don't?"

"B, you know I love you, always."
"Don't you dare friend zone me Declan." I laugh and she does too. "Your voice sounds better," well yeah because my heart is racing with the possibility of her living near me.

"You know LA is huge." I tell her, "you could be anywhere and I not know it."  My body has relaxed, my breathing is calmer, my thoughts are clear and now I'm just focusing on her. "What did you mean you couldn't do this when I called you?" So much for my thoughts being clear.

"This conversation, not us." She says us quietly like it bothers her. "Ok well thanks for answering the phone for one and two call me when you can talk about us." She sighs. "B,"
"Emma, I want you to be with me. All strings attached. I know you do too, again you're just scared."

"I am scared." Ok progress, good. "Why are you scared, friendship aside?"

"Because I still love Josh!" She exclaims and my chest caves. "I'm kind of mad at you but then I'm relieved at the same time. And now you are talking about me moving in with you and we aren't even together."

"I didn't say anything about you living with me, sure I would love it for you to be in the same state, but you brought up you possibly living here. Emma just talk to me."

"I am talking to you," she says matter of factly. "You're talking at me. Talk to me." I emphasize on to. There's a brief moment of silence. "I wish you would have just let me and Josh be happy and we would still be friends right now."

"What are you saying?" My chest caves and I can't believe this is happening. "I'm saying I think this isn't going to work. I have to go." She hangs up and my phone cradles in my lap as the hurt engulfs me. My recent call list pops up after the active call screen disappears and the name at the bottom is all too convincing. I press the redial button and after a couple rings they pick up.

"Hey, still have that bottle of wine?"