Ruin The Friendship / Brendon Urie

16. Emma

Brendon dropped me off at LAX an hour ago and I'm sitting here waiting for my flight back home. I don't want to leave, I enjoyed our time away so much. Brendon has to go back to work though and I have to go back to my empty dorm with no Joshua. Josh got an offer he almost turned down because of me. He met this guy Tyler at a show and he needed a drummer. I told Josh to take it, but that meant he had to leave Vegas. Josh didn't want to leave me, or us I should say, but I am not going to let him throw his dreams and hard work away for nothing. So I gave him the only push I could think of. I ended our relationship, as much as it hurts and believe me it hurts a lot. I know I did it for him, but I'm just hoping he understands and doesn't hate me for it. I plan to reach out in a couple weeks to see how he is doing. He was my first after all, first time, first love, first serious boyfriend and now first ex.

My flight boards and I instantly go to my headphones for the hour flight back home. Right before I can put my phone on airplane mode I receive a text.

B: I just got back to my apartment. I had a lot of fun. Thanks Emma

Me: of course! Anytime. Hopefully we can do it again soon. I dont wanna go home alone.

B: you got this

I smile and turn my phone on airplane mode. I'll call him when I land.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to us landing in LA. I wasn't even planning on sleeping since it was only an hour flight but I guess I needed it. I wait patiently for the rest of the passengers to depart before grabbing my carry on and exiting the terminal. I turn my phone back on and text Brendon to let him know I landed ok.

Me: landed safe and sound

Brendon: great!

I smile and put it away as I dial my mom for a ride home.
"How's Brendon?" She asks as we settle into the car. "Fine." I mumble, I'm kind of tired, either that or my depression is settling in from coming back home. Anytime I travel I'm on a high the whole trip, the flight, the trip and I barely sleep. Then I crash coming home and fall into a slight depression because I don't want to be home. I want to be in LA, with Brendon. I have even considered transferring colleges but that ridiculous right? Moving somewhere for a person that you are not romantically involved with. Honestly all this just makes me Josh so much and I've been fighting texting him the whole car ride home as my mom tries to get a conversation out of me.

Me: hey

I delete the text and try again

Me: Hey josh, I'm sorry for how things ended

I backspace that one as well.

Me: can we talk?

None of these seem right. It's been a month since the break up and I know I'm the one that did it, but I can't shake this feeling I have in my gut. My mom drops me off and says she can't come in because she has some errands to run, which is fine with me considering I want to be alone anyway. Well not alone, I want Josh.
I pile into my dorm and unpack what little clothes I had shoved into my backpack.

I call him. Fuck, it's ringing.

One ring. Two rings. 3 rings, great he's not going to pick up. 4 rings. I'm ready to hang up but he answers.

"Emma?" He asks confused. "Yeah, uh. Hi. Hi Josh." There's silence for a moment. Its brief but there none the less. "Are you ok?" He asks quietly and I try not to bust out into tears over the phone. I need to be strong here. "Yeah, I- I just wanted to hear your voice and uh talk to you. How are you?" I ask while biting my lip. This is extremely awkward. I hear him sigh before answering, "I am good, I am actually packing. I'm moving." He explains and my heart drops into my stomach. I knew it. "So the band is going good?" I ask and shifting on my bed nervously. "Well yes, but that's not why I'm moving." Oh.
"Oh, ok." I don't ask why, it's not my place anymore. He's not mine anymore. "Josh." "Emma." We say each others names at the same time. I laugh nervously and so does he. God I miss his smile and his laugh. "Do you think?" I start but stop, maybe he wanted to hang up? "Nevermind."
"What is it Emma?" He asks and I close my eyes tightly. "Do you think we could meet up? I have your hoodie." I reply. THAT IS THE WORST AND LAMEST EXCUSE EVER EMMA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
"Oh um, you can keep it." He sounds, sad. Fuck. "Josh." I say quietly. "Yeah?" He answers in the same tone. "I'm sorry." I am not about to tell him that I miss him even though I do and want to tell him so bad. "It's ok Emma, I understand." There's a silence a between us, a silence I wish never knew existed. It goes on for a couple seconds before Josh breaks it. "Hey Emma, do you mind if I come over?"
"Yes." I said that way too fast and eagerly but I don't care.

Josh said he would be here in an hour. Which was fifty five minutes ago. But I'm not counting or anything. I have been anxiously sitting on my bed lost in my thoughts, I've already bitten my nails off and now I'm playing with my hair. The knock on the door makes my head snap up and my breathing stop. I quietly go over and answer it. There stands my Josh, but he's a little different. His hair is back to a normal color and it's kind of long and curly. I actually really like it. I've just always seen him with pink hair. "Hi," I mumble and he blushes. "Hi." God, this is so awkward. Honestly my eyes are watering and I'm trying not to-
Too late, I'm crying. I'm really trying not to but the tears are escaping even though I'm not sobbing. Josh sees and goes completely soft. He touches my arm and steps into the room, shutting the door behind him. I barely took a step back so we are extremely close. He cups my face with his left hand and wipes a tear. "Emma," he sighs sadly. He knows why I called now and I just look up into his warme eyes completely drawn to them. I wipe my tears away embarrassed and look away. He keeps his hand on my face. "I've missed you." He says quietly and I shut my eyes to try to keep more tears from coming out. If just seeing him broke me, you can imagine how hearing him say he missed me destroyed me. "I missed you all the time." I sob now and turn away. He guides me back to his eyes with his hand and leans in to kiss my forehead. "Emma, you broke up with me." He emphasizes YOU broke up with ME. I feel guilty and heart broken and I just want to hug him and dissapear, so I do. I hug him and bury my face into his chest and listen to his heartbeat and breathing. He hugs me back and we stand there as he traces circles over my shoulders trying to keep his hands at an appropriate level.

"I know I ended things and I'm sorry I hurt you. I want you to be happy and live your life. You're extremely talented." I sniffle and he sighs. "Emma, I was happy. I was happy with you." He explains moving away and cupping my face in his hands. His warm, calloused hands. I look up and melt. He searches my eyes and mine are pleading. Before I can even process how to react he kisses me. His soft lips on mine and I don't know how I'm not a puddle around his feet by this point. He kisses me hungrily and holds my face in his hands taking full control. I hold his waist weakly and moan into his mouth. My eyes are shut harder then they should be but I don't care. "Oh Emma." He moans into my mouth before picking me up. Oh my God, he's never picked me up before. This is exhilarating. He carries me to my bed and sits so I'm straddle his lap. He breaks the kiss panting, "what are we doing?" He asks catching his breath. "I love you." I reply and he just kisses me again. "I'm still moving." He says between kisses and I nod. "I know." He nods back and kisses me passionately. His tongue dives into my mouth and they dance together briefly. I take off his hat and run my fingers through his curly brown hair. He settles back into the bed before impatiently removing my pants. He shuffles his down too, not wasting any time. I'm rubbing against his length and we are both shaking with adrenaline. "Do you still have the condoms here?" He asks huskily and I nod reaching behind him to grab one.

After it's on we shift but I stay seating in his lap. Let me tell you, I have never felt close to anyone in my whole life. Even with the majority of our clothes being on it was very intimate. Being able to kiss him and hold him tight. Not to mention he was deep as fuck and ground into me slowly. The noises he made sent me over the edge quickly and he came while kissing me, moaning into my mouth. It was the fastest we've ever done it but also the most intimate. After we were done Josh stayed for a couple hours and we talked. We also made out a lot and might have had sex again. When it was time for him to leave, he kissed me like it was our last, because well it was. He too is moving to LA, and I swear to god if one more guy I love moves to LA I am leaving.