Ruin The Friendship / Brendon Urie

30. Emma

I lay in bed with my back to Brendon curled up in a ball. Once he told me about the night I got drunk and I offered him to take my virginity I kicked him out of the shower and cried. When I came out I was going to leave but it started raining harder and Brendon begged for me to stay, saying he would take the couch. I'm not mad, I just feel betrayed and hurt he wouldn't tell me that years ago. I'm not one to hold a grudge either but I need a minute. Brendon shifts on the bed behind me because I am not having him sleep on the couch in his hotel room, that's just rude. "Em," he whispers and I ignore him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but we were teenagers and it was awkward." He explains and I just close my eyes and sigh. "I get it, just give me a minute." I mumble and I dip into Brendon because he moved to spoon me now. "Emma, can we please talk?" He whispers against my hair, and I just want to cry. Over Brendon, Josh, my life, school, my mom and dad. Everything.

"No." I say lowly. He moves my hair away from neck and ears. "I'm sorry," he whispers against my skin and I fight another shiver trying to rip through my body. He places feather like kisses across my neck and shoulder until I roll over to face him. "What are you doing?" I ask staring into his warm brown eyes. He swallows like he is in trouble. "Trying to make you not be mad at me." He whispers into my face, our noses barely touching. "Well stop it." I whisper back, our hands are both curled into our chests and we are lying on the pillows our bodies aligned and knees touching. This reminds me of high school days. Except now it's a lot different, we just made out for the first time ever and did some other things and I'm processing. "What are you thinking about?" He searches my face and I smile, my smile for the first time today. "I'm processing." He furrows his eyebrows and smirks. "Processing what?" He pries and I know he wants me to say it. Out loud. "This." I'm not giving it to him, he frowns. "Emma, if you can't admit it to yourself not in the heat of the moment then what is this?" He replies and I glance down at his hands. I take one hand in mine and a deep breath. Brendon kisses my forehead, "stop thinking." He says his lips pressed against my forehead. "How are you not?" I ask mainly with my eyes. Brendon uses his free left hand to cup my head behind my ear and place another kiss on my forehead. "Because it's us, it's been us for 19 years." He pulls away and smiles at me and he glances at my lips. "I feel like I have to ask you everytime." He whispers, his legs shifting a bit. I'm in his pajamas because my clothes are hanging up and drying in the bathroom, so Brendon remains in his boxer briefs. "Ask me what?" He inches closer even though we were already snuggled together. His feet play with mine and I can't help but get butterflies just from that little interaction. "If I can kiss you?" He replies quietly.

His eyes have been so soft and I can't help but think it's because of me. The fact that we are here, and yes I'm overthinking and still thinking even as he watches me right now. So I leap, I close the gap and kiss him first. He's a little taken back by my forwardness but quickly takes control and keeps his hand on my cheek kissing me harder. He inhales through his nose as he kisses me slowly, I feel his fingers that are intertwined with mine flex and relax and his body becomes eager. Brendon continues playing with my feet and I slowly snake my leg over his hip. He groans and grabs my thigh pulling me on top of him, his back hitting the mattress. "I don't wanna go too fast." I explain and he nods. "That's ok, we can just make out." He wiggles his eyebrows and honestly that little act helps me relax, just Brendon being Brendon.

I laugh lightly and he smiles wide before leaning up to kiss me again. He deepens the kiss with his tongue and I find myself grinding down on his waist. He groans into my mouth and grips my ass pushing me down harder on him. Brendon breaks away his eyes rolling into his head as he lays down on the pillow. "Fuck," he moans out and I giggle. "Stop it," he laughs and now I'm laughing. "Do I amuse you?" He teases and I bite my lip and nod my head. He raises the shirt I'm wearing because it's too big on me and massages my hip bones. With all our joking pushed aside now I continue moving on his lap. "This is all so new how are you not nervous." I ask and he slows down slightly. "Emma I'm not worried about anything because we have so much history, yeah it's different and exciting and a little precarious at the same but I've never been so sure about something in my life. I didn't make this decision on a whim, this is years in the making. And now that I finally have you, I want you." He explains it quietly and alternates between rubbing my hips and forearms as talks. I lean down and place my lips on his, he kisses back softly. "Another time." I whisper and he makes a noise of displeasure but nods in acceptance. "Can we at least get each other off?" He offers and I hit his chest. "You're the worst!" I say making a face but he is just smiling and totally serious. Brendon softly covers my boobs under the shirt and the lust in his eyes darkens. He slowly starts rocking up against me as he kisses my neck, and he is very much ready to go, um down there. "I want to make you forget everything." He says into my neck and I roll my head at the sensation. I make a noise with my mouth closed and close my eyes. "Tell me what you want Emma." Brendon's voice is dark and low and oh so tempting. "I want to get out of my own head for once." I reply opening my eyes. Brendon nods, "you got it." And he flips me over onto the mattress.