Ruin The Friendship / Brendon Urie

32. Emma

Graduation day.

I'm nauseous and my hands are sweating. No it's not because I'm graduating, that part is easy. It's the fact that Brendon is coming to Vegas to see me graduate and it has been, well, a month since we last "talked." I feel bad like really bad and we've texted here and there. He produced a new song with Drake which is ridiculous, I got a job in LA for data analysis and life is going good. Well, until now because I'm panicking and Laura shakes me out of my head, literally. "Wake up! We have to leave Emma!" She shouts and shakes my shoulders, I've been lost in thought staring at the mirror. "I miss-"

"If you say Josh one more time I'm going to slap you upside your head." She threatens and I tighten my lips. "I was going to say school," lies. "Bullshit, no one says that. You left Josh remember. You picked Brendon, and then regretted your decision so I don't want to hear this today!" She exhales her rant and flips her ginger curls. "Anyway! When is Brendon coming? Is he meeting us there, the after party? God I can't wait to see his face for the last time." Me and Laura aren't lying to eachother, we both know we aren't going to keep in touch after we graduate. It's not that we aren't friends, it just happens, plus she is going back home to North Carolina for a little bit and well I'm going west. "You could be a little more sympathetic." I mumble and she smiles. "I'm sorry, not sorry, that I won't have to put up with his dorky laugh, glasses and sexual jokes anymore." I raise an eyebrow and her face gets serious. "Don't give me that look, I'm observant." I nod my head, "oh yeah..." Laura smacks my arm and leaves my room. "We leave in 5." When she leaves I take a deep breath and look in the mirror again. In the background behind me I can see my boxes packed, gown laying on my unmade bed and my cap decorated and ready to be worn, the tassel dangling freely. I turn around in my heels and grab my hat, I wrote something that is incredibly special to me despite the past couple months. Brendon wrote a song called high hopes and performed it for me and only me. Seeing as I accomplished something so big in my life, it felt appropriate.

I gather my gown and purse and head out just as Laura was about to yell my name. "Ready squirt?" She smiles largely and I nod back in a agreement. "As ready as I will ever be." I half smile and she puts her arm around my shoulder. "It will be fine, graduating is easy. The afterlife, no promises." I sigh and we exit the apartment.

As Laura drives and we get closer and closer to the school, I get more and more nauseous. "Pull over." Laura looks at me confused. "What?" She asks. "Pull over I'm gonna be sick." She yanks the car to the side of the street. Thank god no one was near us and I get my door open just in time to let my guts out onto the grass next to me. I cough and gag some more before I'm finally calm and she hands me a napkin from her glovebox. "Thanks." I say and she looks at me sympathetically. "Are you ok?" She asks actually concerned. "Yeah, just really anxious and nervous." My throat is burning and my mouth has that horrible after taste. "Its ok, its Brendon your thinking about." She pauses. "Can I be real with you?" She asks and I nod because if the past year hasn't been her being real then I'm in for a doosie. "Why do you love Brendon?" She asks and I shrug, "I don't know it's just been us for so long, and he's nice, funny, super sweet and gentle but also a complete badass when it comes to his job and everything."

She smiles, "so you do love him?" She states and I just realized I answered my own question. "I guess I do," she squeals. Laura never squeals, "then you need to show him that, show him that you do love him and tell him exactly what you told me." I smile and shake my head. "I can't do that, I can barely speak to him anymore."

"Then I'll help, don't worry we got this. Now let's go get a thousands of dollars piece of paper that we will never look at again." She smiles sarcastically and I nod. Laura stops at a corner store for me to get some mouthwash. When we enter the parking lot I swirl it around in my mouth and swallow it to wash down the rest of the yuck that was in my throat. I gag at the taste but keep everything down and drink some water next. We shuffle to our hall in the heels we wore and socialize until it's time to head inside. We take pictures with other classmates and I can't help but look around every couple minutes for Brendon. Laura notices. "He'll be here." I shake my head because I doubt he is coming. "Trust me, even as your best friend he will be here to see you graduate college. My aunt from my second family is coming and I can't even tell you the last time we talked. I think it was at my high school graduation. I don't even see her for holidays." Laura explains and I nod my head listening. "He'll be here." She says again before scampering off to her seat.

The ceremony goes through slowly, I searched for Brendon inconspicuously for about an hour and then gave up. I took one last look in the crowd as I was on stage getting my fake diploma, taking a fake picture receiving that diploma and another picture with my dean. Just as I am walking off stage I hear a whistle, my head snaps up to where my mom is sitting and that empty seat now has a familiar face in it. He's smiling largely, clapping loudly, and hooting and hollering way louder then he should. Obviously causing a scene and making me laugh. I walk around the podium and start going to my seat and he waves again. He looks good. Like a different type of good. After we finally get our send off everyone throws their hat, except me. I actually want to keep my hat and all it's High Hopes glory. The hall has us exit into another smaller area as the parents and families exit before they let us leave also. "Did you hear that guy whistling for his girlfriend that was the cutest thing ever." I hear this one girl comment and I've never seen nor met her before which just shows how big college my is. "Oh my god, I want that someday." I smile and walk away before I hear anymore because I just need to go find him.

I weave in and out of people and get a new text. Apparently I have an old text too so I open that one first.

Mom: I'll be outside by the pavillion smoking.

She never fails.

B: you look beautiful

I look up like I expect to see him there and when I don't I text him back.

Me: where are you?

I wait for a text back but nothing comed through and then I jump when I feel hands on my waist. "Turn around." He says into my ear and I do with the largest smile on my face. "You look so happy to be done with college." He laughs and I jump into his arms. He catches me surprisingly fast and hugs me back. "I'm sorry, I missed you." I mumble into his neck and his hold tightens. He spins me in a circle and let's me down on my feet. "Congratulations," he whispers back into my ear. We haven't pulled away yet. "I love you," I say it first and now he pulls away to look into my eyes. "What?" He asks searching my gaze. "I. Love. You." I emphasize each syllable and pull away a little embarrassed. He pulls my hands back and places them on his waist. "I love you too." He answers back quickly and I smile. "Can I kiss you?" He asks as his hands cup the base of my neck behind my ears. I can't answer so I just nod.