Thinking

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Do you ever think about the what if's?
The moments where,
once you look back on them,
feel heavy with fate?
I do.
All the time.
It's like now,
when I'm alone with my heart
that feels heavy with emotions
that my brain can't seem to describe,
and I think about all the moments
where everything
had a chance
to change.
I think about those moments
and wonder about
what would be my now,
if I had done things differently
back then?
these are the only questions
that my mind and my heart
seem to find a hard surface
to lay upon,
together.
what if I had taken a chance?
would you have chosen me,
over her?
what if I had said the words?
would you have believed
them?
what if I hadn't been a coward?
would you have trusted
me?
what if?
because I can't stand to think about
what is.

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