#UM36
Pinalis ko ang luha sa aking pisngi habang naglalakad pabalik sa lamesa ng mga pinsan ko, ayaw ko nang bumalik kila Grant kaya naman nagtext na lang ako na kailangan kong bumalik sa table namin para lang maimporma siya dahil nakakahiya kung biglaan akong nawala.
My whole night was spoiled, I didn't drink more with my cousins and just kept myself busy—it was a good thing that they did not force me anymore to jibe in. Hindi lang ako makaahon mula sa mga sinabi ni Chance kaya hanggang sa sumunod na araw ay iyon ang pilit sumusuksok sa isip ko.
Sa aming dalawa ni Chance, akala ko siya iyong makikita kong mas masaya na at walang halong pait sa pagkikita namin ulit pero bakit parang mali ang mga inasahan ko lahat? While weighing his words last night, I couldn't help but think that he's bitter and we need to talk for closure—real one. He doesn't wanna see me smiling and hanging around his path, I just can't understand why would he feel that way when he's already moved on from everything? Or did he?
I raised my eyebrow and chin as I heard a click on the door, I collected all my confidence before the opening—only to be very disappointed and hurt.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Patch, kapwa gulat sa presensya ng isa't isa pero lamang sa akin ang pighati sa kalooban. What's the meaning of this? Fuck, why? I mean... I don't know but this really hurt big time, I didn't expect that her face would welcome me on Chancent's condo unit. She's wearing a white oversized shirt and her hair was messy.
She smiled a bit, awkwardly.
"U-Uh, hey—"
I didn't let her finish, I casually stepped back and turned around to walk away from the suffocating place as if I did not see anyone at all. I thank myself for being still so formal while walking, pagkaliko sa kaliwang pasilyo ay saka pa lang ako nakaramdam ng panghihina. My chest tightened so bad, saglit na pumikit ako bago pinindot ang elevator button.
I wanted to ask her questions but I shouldn't, I don't have the right to because Chance and I aren't together anymore.
Ang sakit, hindi ko matanggap. Bakit ganoon? Bakit, Chance? Sa haba ng panahon, bakit siya pa rin pala ang magiging issue kahit hindi na tayo? So, they're together now, huh? Living in one fucking condo!
Nang magbukas ang elevator ay lalo akong nakaramdam ng iba-ibang emosyon dahil si Chancent ang naroon, he was untying his necktie to loosen up and was about to step out when his eyes met my teary eyes. Mabilis kong iniwas ang tingin at walang nagawa kundi ang pumasok doon, my insides were crying inside and I don't know how to hide my face now to be saved.
He stopped and stepped backwards to lean on the wall, he didn't go out that confused me. Hindi ko na lang pinansin at pinindot ang button ng ground floor. I tried so hard to swallow my emotions, nagyuko lamang ako ng ulo at nagkunwaring abala sa aking cell phone.
I went here to talk to him but upon seeing Patch in his condo? Huwag na lang, hindi na siguro kailangan. Ayaw ko nang masaktan, hindi na dapat. I shouldn't care who he was with, I already let him go years ago. I'm just trying to earn a friendship but I don't think I can right now, we shouldn't be friends... not now that I'm still hurting.
I bit my bottom lip and straightened up, facing the door with our reflection. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nabuhusan ako ng panibagong emosyon dahil sa alaala, we had been in elevators back then—capturing our sweet photos together for memories and that fucking hurts to be with him in here, dapat pala hindi na ako sumakay. Dapat doon na lang sa kabila!
Ang tanga ko talaga. Ang tanga-tanga.
I caught his serious eyes in the reflection, unang paglapag ng elevator ay agad akong lumabas kahit wala pa sa ground floor. Mabuti na lang at may sumakay doon, I quickly walked out and clicked a button on the other elevator. Akala ko ay hindi siya sumunod pero laking gulat ko nang makita ko siya sa paglingon ko, nakapamulsa at nakatingin na may bahagyang pagtataka pa nang makitang pinipindot ko ang button.
