Always You |harry styles| - completed

FIFTY-FOUR

Chicago: Hard To Say I'm Sorry

*Harry's P.O.V.*

Leaving the house after seeing teacup's teary eyes was probably one of the hardest things I'd ever done. We were at a standstill, largely due to my stupidity and one wrong move after the other. The past two months have been an out-of-body experience for me... I was there but I wasn't really present. Everybody kept putting pressure on me – Jeff wanted me to do more interviews and the label demanded they receive progress updates on each song I wrote, Grimmie wanted to go for a pint and teacup needed me to share the load with her. The only thing I wanted to do was be happy, but it didn't seem an option. In trying so hard to please everyone I lost who I was, as cliché as it sounds. I did something completely out of character and let all of it go to shit which wasn't the smartest decision I ever made, to be completely honest. Now I did the one thing I dreaded even more than coming face to face with my own demons – I decided it was time I came face to face with Mum.

"Harry, why are we meeting in Niall's house when you live just two houses over? Come one, let's go... I want to see my granddaughter.",  she was completely clueless which made the entire thing even harder and a lump formed in my throat. I felt like a teenager that got in trouble at school and had to explain it to his mother.

"Mum sit down. I need to talk to you about something.", her confusion now evident, she sat down on one of the sofas in Niall's living room, "Teacup and I have taken a little break from our relationship.".

"Excuse me, you have what?!", the look Mum gave me would be enough to bring anyone to their senses, a glare so harsh and powerful it could cut right through you.

"I've been under a lot of stress lately and we just weren't us anymore. So I've been living with Niall for over a week and we've agreed that I'll see Kaya on the weekends. Well, I proposed that arrangement.", once I finally said it I wasn't feeling any better or relieved whatsoever, like I'd expected. In fact, the load was still weighing me down and tightening its grasp around my neck.

"Son, I've not said this many times because you've seldom given me reason to... but you are acting like a petulant child right now. You've been under a lot of stress so you decided to move out and only see your child on the weekends? I seriously hope you suffered a stroke whilst making that decision, I see no other explanation for such stupidity.", Mum was ruthless, she'd never been so cruel in my entire life.

"Well it wasn't really like that. A lot more thought went into it. It wasn't a decision I made lightly."

"Harry, cut it out. You are not going to weasel your way out of this one. I will love you forever, no matter what you do but being your mother entitles me to calling you out when you're being shortsighted. You think I never got stressed when you and your sister were little? Your Dad, he never got upset or felt himself breaking under pressure? Don't be dense.", she was no longer sitting down and I think having her pace around me and tower over me as she spoke scared me even more than her glare of death did.

"But you and Dad got a divorce!", I objected.

"Yes but not because we were 'under stress' but because we didn't love each other anymore and we decided we would be better parents to you both if we stopped being a couple!"

"I don't think what I did is that different from Dad and you... honestly.", maybe it was wishful thinking, if I deflected enough this guilt would go away.

"Love, life is hard and it's tricky. It's got a hefty arsenal of punches it'll direct at you and all of them will shake the ground you stand upon. That's a given and I thought I taught you better than to up and run when things get hard. You don't separate from someone because your work-life balance gets a bit trickier, for fucks sake! You separate from your partner if you fall out of love, if you hurt each other more than you care for one another, if there are irreconcilable differences... then you're entitled to make that decision and pull the plug.", her voice was now much calmer and she even sat back down, clearly realizing that the fear pushed me to defend myself even though I knew I had no right to.