Confessions of a Queen Bee

1

It's been at least an hour since Layton left me, sprawled out in my own distress.

I can feel myself physically shaking as I try to sit up and collect myself.

The party ended hours ago, once the police kicked people out, I think everyone left to continue the party elsewhere.

That's what normally happens. Nobody came looking for us. I wish they had. They should have.

The once happy looking room now seems dull, Layton left the lights on whilst he was above me-staring down at me.

But now the darkness of what happened in this room is covered by the moonlight- Layton decided to turn the lights off when he left me.

Pretty fucked.

There's an uncomfortable ache in my arms and my back and when I look down at them I can already see the emerging of bruises that told the tail of harsh fingers. 

This ache though, is nothing compared to the knifing pain I feel in other places across my body. All I feel I can feel is the pain, I can't even start registering what just happened. Everything else is numb, my head I mean. I just feel hurt, and shocked. 

I needed help.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I grip the mattress and think about calling for help. My phone is somewhere across the room, he tossed it away from me. I could call Jay, I need him. Or Nora, or Jess or... It dawns on me then, what happened. 

Layton raped me. 

I don't want anyone to see me like this. 

Call it pride, fear, embarrassment, shock whatever; I needed to get help and I didn't want it from anyone I knew. They couldn't know. 

I didn't know what else to do, other than try and temporarily plaster myself together and find someone else that could help me.

My body is honestly so battered, I've never been the subject of violence before. Any type of violence. But I used to hate it then, let alone now. After this.

Why did he..?

Looking down at my body, I shakily try and pull my skirt back down, as I stand on my feet. 

The room spins at the edges as I stumble to the door. My clothes are partially ripped, torn for access, and I'm pretty sure my once perfected makeup is smeared tragically across my face.

The hallway towards Jay's room is painfully long and all I wanted was to grab a jumper, something to cover me on my way. 

Unconsciously, I had decided to go and get help. 

I had no where else to go. I had to go to the police or I guess to the hospital. I wasn't sure what was closer. I only knew where the police station was from here.  But getting there was what was taking me a while. It took me so much energy to muster up the courage to get myself out of the room, into Jay's, down the stairs, out of the front doors.

But I did it.

And as I walked aimlessly towards the direction of the station, I can't keep from thinking about everything that just happened. I can't stop my brain from running over and over the events of tonight.

I was numb.

And so unbelievably torn apart.

Why did he...?

The weather was harsh this winter, and although it's edging into spring, it was still cold enough to see my exhausted but broken breath in the air in front of me.