Confessions of a Queen Bee

20

I left Jackson alone shortly after that, trying to be responsible and actually attend some of my lessons. They were all pretty shit as most of them I could feel Jayden's glare burning a hole through me. For some reason, I had hoped that everything would have settled down by now. 

And they had partially like Max and Luca had stopped making comments to me. Max even started acknowledging me in the hallway. He would just nod at me or say a quiet hi. It was so weird.

But Jayden was still pretty livid. Which surprised me in the sense that he was supposed to be moving on with that other girl. So why was he still so angry with me? 

I saw them together earlier, talking. I didn't feel anything.

Why does he care? I know that he thinks I cheated on him, and I wish he didn't have to think that. Because Jayden and I were close, he was probably the closest friendship I had before all of this.

It was during lunch that he came and grabbed me for a talk. These talks of his don't ever go well, they always end with him calling me some sort of derogatory name. But I went, mainly because I was curious as to why he's been glaring at me all day.

The boys had also moved to eat outside now, instead of in the cafeteria. Which was so annoying because although I should have expected people to follow what we did, I only wanted to eat out here to be away from them.

Before getting up I looked towards their table and couldn't help but shrug at Jackson, who was looking at me and Jayden blankly. He was still in a terrible mood, but I think I'm going to invite him round later just to see if he wants to chill at mine for a bit. Distract him.

"Where do you wanna go?" I ask Jayden, bringing my attention back to him.

"Just to the bleachers?" He says and walks away from me, expecting me to follow. I hate the bleachers. That's literally where we had that disaster of a conversation my first day back. 

I roll my eyes at the girls and continue to pack up my lunch. It's becoming easier to eat now by the way.

"Ives, you don't have to go." Nora reassures me.

I just smile at her, I know I don't need to but I do want to sort this out. I want all this drama to end.

Jayden scares me a little. Like not him himself, I don't think he would hurt me. But for some reason, I just associate him with everything so much that the thought of being alone with him twists my stomach a little. Its probably also because he calls me a slag every time I talk to him.

I take my time following him to the bleachers. Watching as his lean body crouches in on itself. He looks so stressed, like more stressed than when we were together. I wonder if the whole breakup is still affecting him, it's been like a month.

"Hey." I say gently. Usually, when I have these chats with Jayden, my defensive mode is turned up to the max. But I can't help but want this all to be over, I also want to make sure he is ok. See I'm trying to be nice.

He looks up at me, his face still angry. "Why do you keep trying to hurt me?" He says, his voice deep with emotion.

I am shocked. Like full force feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. Me hurt him?

"Pardon?" I say, what on earth is he on about.

"First Layton and now Jackson? What are you trying to do? What on earth did I do?"

"Jay-" I start, sighing as i think what to say. 

I get it I guess. I get what it looks like through his eyes. Can you imagine if I told him what is actually going on? I didn't sleep with Layton Jay, he raped me. And now I can't function as a human because I have PTSD but Jackson your other best friend has been helping me and we've become friends.