Confessions of a Queen Bee

Ivy's written account

*Disclaimer: This is Ivy's account of the rape. Therefore, please skip if you don't want to read, it may be triggering. The next chapter literally carries on from Chapter 31, after Jackson has read this, so it's fine to skip you won't be confused. *

*Graphic account of sexual assault- trigger warning*

If the wounds on her heart and the bruises on her soul were translated on her skin, you wouldnt recognise her at all. - Verona Q

Dear myself?

Just write what happened.

When the police knocked on the door, everyone went scrambling. Me and Jay were talking to separate people so I couldn't find him when everyone was rushing to leave. But it was his house so I just assumed he would stay and deal with the police or at least hide until they had kicked enough people out that the party was over and then they would leave themselves. That's all they do, show up because of a noise complaint and send kids scattering.

Jayden didn't stay for me though, apparently, they had all gotten out and had gone to Max's. I didn't see them leave, I was looking for them all. The boys: Jayden, Luca, Max and Layton. I wasn't looking for Jackson because he never came to the parties. But I wanted to find them, I needed to find our group, knowing the girls were probably with them as well.

How funny is it that I actually sighed in relief when I saw him? Layton. I was relieved that it was him who had grabbed my hand and was taking me to somewhere safe so I wouldn't get in trouble with the police. I didn't think I'd be at the police station anyway at the end of the night.

He took me to Jayden's spare room. The room I usually pretended to stay in when I was staying at Jay's. I loved that room. I was drunk and giddy at first. We were both laughing as he pulled me up the stairs to hid. I didn't have a clue what was coming. I thought we were friends.

When we stumbled into the room I remember Layton locking the door and me not really thinking much of it. I was just trying to sober up a bit, the adrenaline from rushing away from the police clearing my head a little.

Anyway, Layton locked the door and grined at me. I remember feeling comforted by him, like his smile was actually pretty warm. That's the worst thing about this, like it was such a shock. I trusted him. I was just so damn stupid that night. That's how I feel about how I acted up until I realised I was in danger. Stupid. And I know that it wasn't my fault that it wasn't even Jayden's fault for leaving me. But I feel stupid. I feel as if I could have prevented it.

But then me feeling stupid morphs into me feeling anger because why should I have to remember the precautions to take, to make sure I didn't get raped? Why don't we just teach people not to rape?

But yeah, that's what happened, in one word: Rape.

We waited until the commotion was done down stairs, we were talking about the fact everyone had left us. We were both equally annoyed at them for abandoning us. But I guess he wasn't, like I guess it was a façade because just as I walked to reopen the door and leave he grabbed my wrist to stop me.

I remember him telling me how he wouldn't have left me, how Jayden didn't deserve me. That I was too good for him, I remember him complimenting me and my body and I remember how confused I felt.

How I was so surprised at his advances but I still wasn't even scared. I was just slightly amused like boys confessing their admiration for me wasn't something out of the ordinary. I was just a little concerned what to do about telling Jay, like knowing this would cause a lot of problems in the group dynamics.