Confessions of a Queen Bee

7

Well, sadly, I never got back up after I laid down to nap. I slept all the way through till 5 am. Two hours before I technically needed to be up for school. Feeling even worse and unbelievably disorientated after sleeping so long, I decided I needed to do something with this extra time. As I definitely wasn't going back to sleep.

Not bothering to shower, I wrapped my hair up into a long ponytail and found my exercise clothes. I wasn't sure whether to go for a run or to get to school early and practice in the dance studio. But ultimately I decided I needed some fresh air, I got changed and put on my running shoes.

Getting changed recently has become a real task, my room is covered in mirrors and it's so easy to catch a glimpse of my body. Something I was very slowly disassociating with.

I didn't bother to leave a note for my parents, which although stupid thinking about it now, I had my phone so I would just answer the call if they realised I wasn't in bed.

It was still only twenty past five when I left my house and I slowly started my usual run, there was a lake close by and I literally would just run around that until I got sick of the sight of it and then would head home.

The air is pretty cold, but it's the type of cold that feels almost refreshing to breathe in. It's just becoming light outside the sun emitting soft waves through the sky, and the sight of it is breath-taking. Is it always this pretty in the mornings?

Starting to softly jog, I place my earphones securely in my ears and pull my hair tighter. I heard that exercise is good for mental health, but I always used to exercise in order to perfect my physical health. But I get it, the fresh air, the blood pumping through your body, it makes me feel almost peaceful, something that I haven't felt in quite a while.

The scenery is pretty perfect around here, that's why I always come here to jog. Call me vain or materialistic all you like but I just enjoy being surrounded by things that are beautiful. Especially this morning as the sun bounces off the lake and is reflected off the surrounding trees. There's a little fishing pier that has recently been built, it is definitely the nicest place to sit in the whole town. I used to come here with Jay and we'd swim when it was warm enough. I pick up my pace, wondering if I could make it all the way around the lake running as fast as I can. I couldn't.

The feeling of my chest rising so rapidly is freeing. After fighting to control my breathing over the past couple of weeks, it's nice to be reminded that your heart pumping so variously is pretty natural. 

Hardly being able to catch my breath I notice that there's a figure stood by the end of the pier. Slowing my jog down to a walk, I stop my music to try and concentrate on who it might be. There is nobody else around, and I don't know whether its rational to become a bit afraid at the sight of someone else but that's where my head immediately goes to.

As I approach the wooden deck, slow memories evade my eyes of previous visits to the pier, a lot of laughter with Jayden and the sound of the girls gossiping. Its fond memories I guess. Apart from the fact that everything with Jay used to centre around Sex like if we went he'd always want to cop a feel under the water or like he'd try and turn me on whilst we were with everyone. I used to think it was fun and carefree yanoe? Now it just makes me cringe.

"James." A stern voice suddenly interrupts my distressing thoughts and I audibly gasp.

I had been stood at the end of the pier just staring at the guy that was at the end. Obviously, I wasn't paying that much attention as I was walking. That happens a lot at the moment, I seem to transport from places to places without really realising.

"Jackson." I say quietly. The guy that was stood at the end of the pier was no other than one of my ex-boyfriend's best friends and my counsellor's son. How can someone who is so connected, actually be so disconnected? I know him, but I don't really know him at all.