Confessions of a Queen Bee

28

"Hey. I was just coming to see you- "Jackson says, speaking directly to his mum as I stand behind her protective body like the apparent coward I am.

"Ivy?" He says trying to look around at me but I avoid his eye contact, my own eyes on the floor. I knew he would be able to tell by the look on my face that I was struggling today and I already felt bad enough after he said he worries about me, I don't need to make him feel worse.

"Hun, Ivy and I are on our way somewhere. Are you okay?" She says, still standing in front of me as she had gathered I was hiding from him and she respected that by covering my body with her own.

"I'm fine. I literally just finished the lesson early. Is she ok?"

Annoyingly she shakes her head no, a synonymous sound on her lips to convey the negative. I look up from the floor and glared at the back of her head because she has no right to tell him whether I am ok or not. I am fine.

Well ok, maybe I'm not fine. But still, let me be not ok in secret.

Ok do I sound irrational? I think I might do.  

God today is such a mess.

I am such a mess. 

"You can wait for me back in my office if you like." She says to her son and I glare more at the back of her head because that's where I was planning to hide for the rest of the day until cheer.

Gosh, cheer... The energy I will have to muster for that is exhausting already to think about. I will have to physically do the stunts, I will have to be able to grit and bear the way their hands feel gripping my body, and now pain on top of that?

It's fine. 

I can do it. 

Yes, I am still convinced I am going to do it.

"Yeah okay, I will wait for you both." Jackson says as he walks around us, his eyes blazing into the side of my head but I know my hair is protecting me from him seeing my face.

We carry on walking towards the nurse's office and I can tell Jackson's mum wants to say something to me.

Her eyes are on me as we walk. I try not to look up at her. I try hard not to acknowledge. 

But eventually, we get to the office and she is still looking at me. 

I look up. 

"You have him wrapped around your little finger, you know that right?" She smiles at me. Trying to lift my spirits but all I can do is look back down at the floor.

"I don't. And I don't want to talk about him." I say. I'm sure she probably thinks this is rude but I physically do not have the mental capacity to worry about whether or not Jackson and I are getting too close.

"I didn't mean it as a bad thing." She says gently as she knocks on the medical room's door.

"I know." I whisper.  

The nurse opens the door and she smiles brightly at me, she was trying to kindness. I'd been in here a few times. Not for myself obviously. To take one of the girls to the nurse because they felt sick and I enjoyed getting out of any lesson to take them, or even with Jayden because he always seems to end up here. A bloody nose from soccer or sprained wrists from messing around at lunch, split knuckles from fighting...

Stupid aggressive men. 

Disgusting. 

"Hiya love, come on in." She says.

Both Mrs Granger and I walk into the small room and I take a seat as the nurse gestures for me to do so on the blue chair.

"So, Ivy, I'm going to ask you to take off your t-shirt. This must be hurting your back quite a bit." She says as she goes to help me.