Confessions of a Queen Bee

4

The next morning I decided that I will try and wear something that I would normally wear to school. I find a cute dress that flatters everything that I used to want it to. However, due to the fall weather, I match it with an oversized autumn cardigan, something that I probably used to feel covered too much skin. I look really cute, not hot like I usually do, but at least I look nice. 

My dad gently knocks on my bedroom door. "You up?" he calls softly from outside. I know that if mum wasn't here, I could manage to get my dad to let me stay home from school, but as she is, I have been up for the past two hours getting mentally and physically prepared to re-enter that hell whole. 

"Yeah, you can come in."And with this, my dad pops his head round my door.

"I was just making sure. Your mum and I are going back to work today, but if you need anything then just call us", He tells me.

"Your mum said to tell you that the medication doctor Harvey prescribed you are still on the kitchen counter if you feel that you want to start taking it today. And she also wanted me to remind you to go see Miss Granger this morning. I think you have a session with her as well."

I nod at him, nothing much more to say. I kind of wish they would go back to be the distant parents they used to be. Although I can't pretend that I'm not grateful for the extra time I've been spending with them lately, I just wish it wasn't because of something this awful that triggered their abilities to parent.

The drive to school is slow, I haven't driven in quite a while and at the moment I have the tendency to space out meaning I'm taking extra care this morning. Luckily though the roads to school are pretty empty, especially since I have to get here half an hour earlier than anyone else.

Miss Granger's office seems more daunting to me today than it did yesterday, I guess because I know she's going to ask me a lot more questions today. When I reach the brown office door, I notice it's already wide open, meaning I have no chance to compose myself before seeing her. Feeling my heart already skip a few beats I know that today is going to be a challenge.

I've been anxious. It's a new word for me. I learnt it from Lotta a few days ago. That's what I am feeling when I feel like I can't breathe, or when I start to shake. Anxious. Anxiety. Ha. 

"Ivy! It's nice to see you again, would you like to take a seat?" Miss Granger asks.

Following her instructions, I take a seat across from her desk, pushing the door closed. I don't need anyone seeing that I'm here.

"Morning" I mumble straightening out my skirt. Looking down at my hands I notice that the skin around my thumb is slightly bleeding. Meaning I must have been absentmindedly picking at it.

"I think that we should do an hour session this morning, yesterday I was left feeling pretty concerned as I'm worried that you are repressing your feelings. So, I thought that instead of meeting after school, I'll just get you excused from your first period and then we can have a little chat this morning."

I didn't know what a counselling meeting would be like with Miss Granger. I kind of fully expected her to be patronising and overly sympathetic and although the sympathy is here it's not as suffocating as it usually is when I talk to my mother or other police officers.

"Ok, so we have one whole hour to have a chat, I want this session to focus on how you're coping. But, if you feel up to it I would like it if you could explain to me a little about what happened."

"Ok, but I'm warning you now. I don't really know what to say to you, so you might have to prompt me with like questions?"

She smiles at me "It's good to tell me things like that, we need to work together in these ones to ones. Is there anything else you would like me to know?"